Nightmares (A PewDieCry)
by ShadowedLove97
Summary: Cry's nightmares had been getting worse. But when PewDiePie comes to Florida for a Bro Army Meet-Up and a Gaming Convention, the nightmares become unbearable. It's up to PewDiePie to help Cry through them, but will he be able to banish the dark dreams from the American's mind? Rated T for disturbing imagery (nightmares), sexual content, and language. WARNING: GUYXGUY
1. Prologue: Promises and Dreams

**Hey guys, I know I haven't finished any of my previous fanfics on here but I've been wanting to write this for a while now. I warn you, it is about two real people (PewDiePie and ChaoticMonki) but I started recently liking the pairing PewDieCry so I went ahead and wrote this. Right now I currently have about three other chapters written (they're uploaded on my dA if you'd like to go ahead and read that instead of waiting for updates on here). I'll probably update this story once a week so that it won't catch up with the one on dA and so that you guys won't have to wait endlessly for new chapters.**

**Also, I'm taking a haitus on my Sonic stories. I don't know how long it's going to be, but since my interest in Sonic has diminished quite a bit (probably just need to play a Sonic game to help me find inspiration) I don't feel like updating any of my Sonic fanfics.**

**Anyways, enjoy the story.**

* * *

**Prologue**

_ It was dark; the air around him musty and stale. His friend was gone, swallowed up  
by the shadows of the night. Both of them had lanterns and a few tinderboxes, but he was the only one with extra oil and Cry knew that his friend had left with only the little amount he had in his own lantern. He had insisted, **demanded** even, that Pewds should take whatever oil Cry had leftover; however, the blond had declined, telling him not to worry, that he'd be fine. He even had made the point that Cry, whom was badly injured from a run-in with one of the monsters, would need it more considering his inability to move and the lack of light and candles around the room he was currently stuck in. The masked man still argued, not wavering, never budging, but still the Swedish male only took some of the American's tinderboxes, and a sanity potion, leaving the oil and a promise of return behind with the other._

_**His friend was taking too long.** It seemed like an eternity since he had heard the sound of a Grunt, and even longer so since the departure of his blond-haired friend. Ever since then, Cry's paranoia and worry grew, becoming a hungry monster that swallowed his mind whole, leaving only skittish and broken thoughts behind in its wake. **What if he had gotten lost, or was starving somewhere in an unknown area of the castle? Maybe he had gone insane and was killing everything in his path. He could be dead, or dying somewhere. Or…He could've forgotten about me.** For some reason, the idea of his closest friend forgetting about him bothered Cry the most. Not even the thought of his friend's body lying around somewhere, lifeless, was as scary of a thought to him as being forgotten. He wasn't exactly sure why, but the thought was unbearable to him and even made him want to cry. So, he tried pushing away those feelings and suspicions, trying to bury them in the back of his mind, but they never stayed still, never stayed suppressed, and they kept taunting him until he couldn't take it anymore._

_ He cried out his friend's name, even though he knew it was suicide to do so, but let him be damned if he didn't try despite the danger. He just wanted to hear PewDie's voice again, his accent, the way his voice always seemed to have a hint of joy in it; he wanted to hear it all again. The longing of seeing his friend's face once more, to see him safe back with him, was crushing him, effectively stifling his voice until his cries came out in short, sobbing bursts._

_ It was no use; his friend was either dead or not coming back, he was sure of it. So it was a surprise when footsteps could be heard coming towards him, and the voice of the man with an unmistakable accent calling his name. "P-Pewds; Pewds, over here," Cry's voice was soft but desperate; he could only hope that his words would reach his friend._

_ It had. His friend's footsteps grew closer to him, and his voice was much clearer as he inquired, "Cry? Cry, are you okay? Does your wound still hurt?"_

_ The pain was still there, but the thoughts of his friend had driven it out of Cry's mind; however, when PewDie mentioned it, the pain in his back seemed to double, triple even, making it nearly possible to speak. "Y-Yeah, a little," was all Cry could manage, clenching his teeth. "But I'm alright, I guess."_

_ "Heh, that's good. I was worried about leaving you here, but I finally found it Cry; the last bottle of Laudanumum." He reached in and took it out of his pocket, smiling. "Here, take it."_

_ Cry reached out hesitantly. He wanted to take it, but something was wrong. Staring into PewDie's light blue eyes, he gasped; they were dull and glazed. Blood seemed to be splattered in his hair, and, when looking at his chest, his light blue "Brofist" shirt was stained crimson. "Pewds…What happened?"_

_ PewDie looked confused for a second, but following Cry's gaze to the blood on his shirt, the confusion vanished and he chuckled quietly. "Oh, this," he tugged on his shirt, drawing Cry's attention to the stain once more and out of his already fading world. "It's nothing, really. I just…Had a run in with a Bro, that's all."_

_ The brunette bit his lip, hating what he was going to have to do but knowing it was unavoidable. "Felix," it was the first time Cry had used PewDie's real name since they had gotten into their situation, and it sparked worry in PewDie's heart. "I want you to take it."_

_ "Take what Cry?" He asked, but he already knew what Cry was talking about; the Laudanum, the only thing that could heal their injuries. There was only enough for one person, though, and both knew the other would die without it._

_ "The Laudanum…" He murmured, the strength in his left arm failing him. "Take it; I want you…to have it…F-Felix." His vision started to blur, flickering in and out of darkness. A sad smile graced his lips, "Everything will…Be okay Pewds; I'll be okay. Please, take it." He sounded desperate, maybe trying to convince himself that his words were true despite the fact that he was dying right in front of the blond._

_ "No, you need it more than I do, Cry. Trust me, I'll be fine." PewDiePie opened the small glass bottle and held it up to his friend's lips, bright blue eyes shimmering in the darkness, as if they were holding unshed tears. "So please, live, for me." With those words came a sorrow born in the Swedish male's heart as he forced his comrade's mouth open, pouring the crimson liquid down his friend's throat._

_ Cry sputtered, but was forced to swallow the bitter liquid. The crimson drained from the bottle quickly, and only when a few drops clung desperately to the glass container did Felix move it away from Cry's lips._

_ Cry felt better almost instantly, the pain seemingly disappearing with every second that passed. But as the pain disappeared, so did PewDie's strength, and when the healing process was done, the blond had already collapsed onto the cold stone floor. "Pewds," the name was just a whisper upon the brunette's sculpted lips, barely leaving the opening of his mouth as if they were afraid. "Why…Why did you…?"_

_ "Shh, don't worry about it, Cry." Their famous joke, now used seriously, trembled as it hung in the thick air. "I'll be alright." His voice was soft and calming, but it wasn't enough to console the trembling brunette._

_ "No, please, stop** lying** to me." His voice was desperate and full of crushing sorrow. Dense tears ran along the natural curve of his face until they landed on PewDie's pale cheeks. "You're not fine and I don't…" He took a shaky breath, sobs threatening to escape him. "…I don't know how to save you. I don't know what to do…Please, tell me what to do."_

_ "Kiss me." Cry had been refusing to look at his pale friend, whether it was because looking at PewDie in such a state would make the realization that his friend was going to die final, or the fact that he was angry at the Swedish blond for lying to him, was uncertain. But, at the sound of PewDie's voice and the request it had delivered, Cry looked down at his friend in surprise. His cheeks flushed a rosy color, and his eyes widened under the white poker face mask. PewDie whispered the words again, this time with less volume than before. "Kiss me, Ryan."_

_ Cry bit his lip nervously, slowly reaching towards his mask. PewDiePie scrunched his eyebrows in confusion, looking up at him with a questioning gaze. Cry cracked a small smile, saying, "I can't kiss you with my mask on." But his movements were hesitant, uncertain, and they were quickly running out of time. Noticing the light leaving PewDie's blue eyes, Cry yanked off the mask, tearing the plastic strap that had held it on his face for so long, and threw it across the room before hastily locking his lips with the others in a desperate attempt at survival._

_ At first the kiss was forceful and rushed, but as seconds went by it became tenderer and more gentle, tasting of salty tears. But all too soon did their lips part, and only then did Cry realized that he was in love with the man dying before him. It was such a cruel fate, to be in love with someone dying, and it tore at Cry's heart, ripping it into pieces. Sobs racked his body, sorrow finally escaping the prison of his mind. PewDie looked at him concerned, asking, "Cry?"_

_ "Pewds…Why is it that I didn't know that I loved you…Until you were…" He couldn't finish his sentence, his voice failing him at the last second. He balled his hands into fists and he squeezed his eyes shut, tears leaking out of his eyes faster than before._

_ The gentle contact of skin on skin made Cry open his eyes. He looked down as PewDie interlocked his fingers with Cry's, saying just as the last signs of life left his eyes, "I love…You too bro." PewDie's chest rose and fell once more, and his eyes dulled and lifeless. "F-Felix," Cry's voice trembled as his lover's name left his quaking lips. But PewDie could not hear him, for he was already wrapped up in an eternal sleep. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Felix, Felix, please WAKE UP! Wake up!" But the blond didn't react, didn't show any signs of life and, most of all, was still grinning like he had before he died. "Felix…!"_

_` Throughout the whole castle a mournful cry echoed, inviting hostile monsters to come and join Cry's solitary mourning. But the brunette didn't care, even 'welcoming the thought of death, if only to be with his lover again. Death heard Cry's wish and answered him in the form of a Brute, taking both PewDie and Cry with him to afterlife._

* * *

He gasped, sitting up in his bed. Trembling, silent tears forming in deep-blue eyes, pale skin highlighted against the bright of the screen of a computer sitting on a desk across a room. It was late, very late, but the nightmare was still ever-present in Ryan's mind, not giving him the ability to sleep. He was used to having them, the nightmares, but never prepared for their content. They had started out small and trivial, only happening once in a while, but after realizing that he loved Felix the dreams had gotten worse and more frequent. They always involved games that he or the Swedish male had played before, and all of them ended in some sort of disaster. When he woke up from any of them, he'd find his heart racing and a deep longing to see Felix's face come over him.

This nightmare had been different, though. It had felt so real; the feeling of another man's lips on his, the salty tears, the pain the wound had caused him, everything. He couldn't have imagined it all, and he couldn't be imagining the way his heart wouldn't stop racing at its memory.

Ryan jumped at a small sound; it was the one that indicated that he had an awaiting video message from Skype. He knew he wouldn't able to fall back asleep, despite the fact that he had slept very little, so he got out of his bed and walked up to his computer. He looked down at who it was; it was Felix again. Sighing, he grabbed his famous poker face mask from off of the computer desk and put it on. Tonight his windswept bangs spilled over the top of the mask, proceeding to end halfway down the white, ceramic clay.

He clicked open the window and was met with a smiling Felix looking at him. "Hey Cry. Why are you still up, I thought it was late in the Americas?"

"I couldn't sleep," He muttered, his voice thick with a yawn. Ryan rested his head on his hand; exhaustion rolling over him waves, threatening to pull him under. But he knew that, even if he could fall asleep, he wouldn't be able to sleep long enough to take away his tiredness.

He peered at Felix through half-open eyes. Nightmare blended with reality as Felix's eyes seem to dull and his face paled until it was white as paper. Ryan tensed, his heart skipping a beat. He blinked; once, twice, three times. By the third Felix looked normal again; healthy and _alive_.

"Hey, dude, you alright?" Felix inquired, concerned.

His voice brought Ryan out of his daze. "Uh…Oh, yeah, I'm fine." He ran his left hand through his bangs, sighing as he did so. "It's just that I'm so _tired_."

Felix frowned, and unusual expression to see on the blond's face. "Are you sure? If not I don't have to come visit."

"No, no it's fine, really." Ryan said hastily, removing his hand from his hair. Felix and Ryan had made plans for the Swedish LPer to stay over Ryan's house for a few weeks so he could go to the Gamers Convention and to go the Bro Army meet up happening in Florida. Ryan had actually been looking forwards to the upcoming weeks, despite the fact he'd have to wear his mask at all times in order to avoid revealing his face, so he didn't like the thought of Felix not coming to visit just because of his nightmares.

"Alright, since you say you're fine." Felix didn't seem convinced, despite his words. "Anyways, do you mind I brought some of my recording stuff with me? We could do some more co-ops while I'm down there," Felix proposed, a questioning smile on his face.

"Nah, I don't mind." Exhaustion was starting to cloud Ryan's mind now, pulling him deeper and deeper into its embrace. "Hey Pewds, I'm going to head off to bed now. What time should I pick you up at the airport Monday?"

Felix stayed silent for a few seconds before saying, "Probably around eight in the morning."

"Alright then, 'night Pewds." Ryan stood up and was just about to exit Skype when Felix stopped him.

"Hey, make sure you're taking care of yourself, alright?" He sounded worried and, for a moment, Ryan wanted to admit having the nightmares. But he shook his head, and sighed.

"Yeah, alright," Then he clicked out of Skype.

Sluggish from exhaustion, Ryan pulled the mask off of his face and set it down gently next to his computer. He made sure his video was finished rendering before he shut down his computer and, after a few steps, collapsed onto his bed.

He didn't remember having a nightmare that night, but by the next morning the terror of it was still with him and he was sure that he had dreamed.

* * *

**I'm welcoming to critiques, but please don't pick this story apart and feed it to the wolves. That's not very nice~**

**It was dark; the air around him musty and stale. His friend was gone, swallowed up by the shadows of the night. Both of them had lanterns and a few tinderboxes, but he was the only one with extra oil and Cry knew that his friend had left with only the little amount he had in his own lantern. He had insisted, **_**demanded**_** even, that Pewds should take whatever oil Cry had leftover; however, the blond had declined, telling him not to worry, that he'd be fine. He even had made the point that Cry, whom was badly injured from a run-in with one of the monsters, would need it more considering his inability to move and the lack of light and candles around the room he was currently stuck in. The masked man still argued, not wavering, never budging, but still the Swedish male only took some of the American's tinderboxes, and a sanity potion, leaving the oil and a promise of return behind with the other.**

_**His friend was taking too long.**_** It seemed like an eternity since he had heard the sound of a Grunt, and even longer so since the departure of his blond-haired friend. Ever since then, Cry's paranoia and worry grew, becoming a hungry monster that swallowed his mind whole, leaving only skittish and broken thoughts behind in its wake. **_**What if he had gotten lost, or was starving somewhere in an unknown area of the castle? Maybe he had gone insane and was killing everything in his path. He could be dead, or dying somewhere. Or…He could've forgotten about me.**_** For some reason, the idea of his closest friend forgetting about him bothered Cry the most. Not even the thought of his friend's body lying around somewhere, lifeless, was as scary of a thought to him as being forgotten. He wasn't exactly sure why, but the thought was unbearable to him and even made him want to cry. So, he tried pushing away those feelings and suspicions, trying to bury them in the back of his mind, but they never stayed still, never stayed suppressed, and they kept taunting him until he couldn't take it anymore.**

**He cried out his friend's name, even though he knew it was suicide to do so, but **_**let him be damned **_**if he didn't try despite the danger. He just wanted to hear PewDie's voice again, his accent, the way his voice always seemed to have a hint of joy in it; he wanted to hear it all again. The longing of seeing his friend's face once more, to see him safe back with him, was crushing him, effectively stifling his voice until his cries came out in short, sobbing bursts.**

**It was no use; his friend was either dead or not coming back, he was sure of it. So it was a surprise when footsteps could be heard coming towards him, and the voice of the man with an unmistakable accent calling his name. "P-Pewds; Pewds, over here," Cry's voice was soft but desperate; he could only hope that his words would reach his friend.**

**It had. His friend's footsteps grew closer to him, and his voice was much clearer as he inquired, "Cry? Cry, are you okay? Does your wound still hurt?"**

**The pain was still there, but the thoughts of his friend had driven it out of Cry's mind; however, when PewDie mentioned it, the pain in his back seemed to double, triple even, making it nearly possible to speak. "Y-Yeah, a little," was all Cry could manage, clenching his teeth. "But I'm alright, I guess."**

**"Heh, that's good. I was worried about leaving you here, but I finally found it Cry; the last bottle of Laudanumum." He reached in and took it out of his pocket, smiling. "Here, take it."**

**Cry reached out hesitantly. He wanted to take it, but something was wrong. Staring into PewDie's light blue eyes, he gasped; they were dull and glazed. Blood seemed to be splattered in his hair, and, when looking at his chest, his light blue "Brofist" shirt was stained crimson. "Pewds…What happened?"**

**PewDie looked confused for a second, but following Cry's gaze to the blood on his shirt, the confusion vanished and he chuckled quietly. "Oh, this," he tugged on his shirt, drawing Cry's attention to the stain once more and out of his already fading world. "It's nothing, really. I just…Had a run in with a Bro, that's all."**

**The brunette bit his lip, hating what he was going to have to do but knowing it was unavoidable. "Felix," it was the first time Cry had used PewDie's real name since they had gotten into their situation, and it sparked worry in PewDie's heart. "I want you to take it."**

**"Take what Cry?" He asked, but he already knew what Cry was talking about; the Laudanum, the only thing that could heal their injuries. There was only enough for one person, though, and both knew the other would die without it.**

**"The Laudanum…" He murmured, the strength in his left arm failing him. "Take it; I want you…to have it…F-Felix." His vision started to blur, flickering in and out of darkness. A sad smile graced his lips, "Everything will…Be okay Pewds; **_**I'll**_** be okay. Please, take it." He sounded desperate, maybe trying to convince himself that his words were true despite the fact that he was dying right in front of the blond.**

**"No, you need it more than I do, Cry. Trust me, I'll be fine." PewDiePie opened the small glass bottle and held it up to his friend's lips, bright blue eyes shimmering in the darkness, as if they were holding unshed tears. "So please, live, for me." With those words came a sorrow born in the Swedish male's heart as he forced his comrade's mouth open, pouring the crimson liquid down his friend's throat.**

**Cry sputtered, but was forced to swallow the bitter liquid. The crimson drained from the bottle quickly, and only when a few drops clung desperately to the glass container did Felix move it away from Cry's lips.**

**Cry felt better almost instantly, the pain seemingly disappearing with every second that passed. But as the pain disappeared, so did PewDie's strength, and when the healing process was done, the blond had already collapsed onto the cold stone floor. "Pewds," the name was just a whisper upon the brunette's sculpted lips, barely leaving the opening of his mouth as if they were afraid. "Why…Why did you…?"**

**"Shh, don't worry about it, Cry." Their famous joke, now used seriously, trembled as it hung in the thick air. "I'll be alright." His voice was soft and calming, but it wasn't enough to console the trembling brunette.**

**"No, please, stop **_**lying**_** to me." His voice was desperate and full of crushing sorrow. Dense tears ran along the natural curve of his face until they landed on PewDie's pale cheeks. "You're **_**not **_**fine and I don't…" He took a shaky breath, sobs threatening to escape him. "…I don't know how to save you. I don't know what to do…Please, tell me what to do."**

**"Kiss me." Cry had been refusing to look at his pale friend, whether it was because looking at PewDie in such a state would make the realization that his friend was going to die final, or the fact that he was angry at the Swedish blond for lying to him, was uncertain. But, at the sound of PewDie's voice and the request it had delivered, Cry looked down at his friend in surprise. His cheeks flushed a rosy color, and his eyes widened under the white poker face mask. PewDie whispered the words again, this time with less volume than before. "Kiss me, Ryan."**

**Cry bit his lip nervously, slowly reaching towards his mask. PewDiePie scrunched his eyebrows in confusion, looking up at him with a questioning gaze. Cry cracked a small smile, saying, "I can't kiss you with my mask on." But his movements were hesitant, uncertain, and they were quickly running out of time. Noticing the light leaving PewDie's blue eyes, Cry yanked off the mask, tearing the plastic strap that had held it on his face for so long, and threw it across the room before hastily locking his lips with the others in a desperate attempt at survival.**

**At first the kiss was forceful and rushed, but as seconds went by it became tenderer and more gentle, tasting of salty tears. But all too soon did their lips part, and only then did Cry realized that he was in love with the man dying before him. It was such a cruel fate, to be in love with someone dying, and it tore at Cry's heart, ripping it into pieces. Sobs racked his body, sorrow finally escaping the prison of his mind. PewDie looked at him concerned, asking, "Cry?"**

**"Pewds…Why is it that I didn't know that I loved you…Until you were…" He couldn't finish his sentence, his voice failing him at the last second. He balled his hands into fists and he squeezed his eyes shut, tears leaking out of his eyes faster than before.**

**The gentle contact of skin on skin made Cry open his eyes. He looked down as PewDie interlocked his fingers with Cry's, saying just as the last signs of life left his eyes, "I love…You too bro." PewDie's chest rose and fell once more, and his eyes dulled and lifeless. "F-Felix," Cry's voice trembled as his lover's name left his quaking lips. But PewDie could not hear him, for he was already wrapped up in an eternal sleep. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Felix, Felix, **_**please**_** WAKE UP! Wake up!" But the blond didn't react, didn't show any signs of life and, most of all, was still grinning like he had before he died. "Felix…!"**

**` Throughout the whole castle a mournful cry echoed, inviting hostile monsters to come and join Cry's solitary mourning. But the brunette didn't care, even **_**welcoming**_** the thought of death, if only to be with his lover again. Death heard Cry's wish and answered him in the form of a Brute, taking both PewDie and Cry with him to afterlife.**


	2. Chapter 1: The Arrival

**Hey, it's me~ Alright, so here's the deal about updates. I'll update this story once a week on Friday (it was originally going to be on Saturday's but Cry does his livestreams on Saturday's so I don't want this to interfere with your weekly Late Nights with Cry And Russ enjoyment). So yes, updates every Friday~**

**Also, I'm going to explain a few things on the bottom so make sure to read those or you're going to be very confused.  
**

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**Chapter 1**

Ryan rubbed his eyes, trying to keep himself awake as he waited for his friend at the baggage gate exit of Orlando International Airport. He hadn't slept well the night before, a nightmare having interrupted his dreams once again, and being stopped by security a couple of times didn't help with exhaustion. His famous white poker-face mask was pulled up just above his eyes as he waited, finding no need to wear it properly just yet.

Before Felix had left, Ryan had made sure to tell him that he would be wearing his unmistakable Cry mask, but now he wasn't sure it would be enough to catch the other's attention. It was, of course, only a small white mask; something insignificant in a dense crowd of people. Although, it had contributed to all the "security checks" he had been stopped to perform. "Just making sure everything's alright," they would say as they performed a pat-down. He knew better than to think they were doing it for his safety. Can't have a suspected terrorist boarding a plane now could we? 'Cause _God forbid_ someone wearing a white mask could be an innocent bystander waiting for a friend flying in from a foreign country.

Ryan sighed; he hated being signaled out for any reason, whether for good or bad. He was just a man after all*; a human being living an insignificant life, a life that held no more importance than anyone else's. And to be signaled out at an airport was not only humiliating, but frustrating to say the least. However, he would have to get over that fact, for Felix would be arriving in a few minutes and he didn't want to seem like he was in a bad mood with his friend around.

Ryan spotted Felix before the other saw him. He pulled down his mask quickly until it covered his eyes and lips completely before sitting up and calling out to the other, "Hey, Pewds!"

The bright-eyed male turned his head towards the direction the voice had come from, and that's when he saw him. Ryan was tall and skinny with reddish-brown hair that barely touched his shoulders at the longest point. His long bangs were hidden behind his ceramic white mask this time. He donned a short sleeved, pastel-blue shirt with a graphic of his famous Cry Guy saying " 'Sup" located over the chest area and a little bit of the upper stomach region as well. One of his hands was raised, showing off his skinny but somewhat muscular arms. Dark-indigo skinny jeans clung to his legs as he walked; light-blue checkered slip-on Vans treading the polished floor with little care.

Felix grinned, waving back. "Hey Cry." The blond walked up and both curled their dominate hand into a fist and "brofisted". "I can't believe I'm in Florida!"

Ryan chuckled, "Yeah, I can't believe you're here either man." He looked over the male, noticing that he was wearing a heavy dark blue sweatshirt. "You know you're going to be hot wearing that," he pointed out. "You might want to take off the sweatshirt; it's like ninety degrees outside."

"Really man, I knew it was hot here but I didn't think it would be that hot…" Felix dropped his duffle bag and set down his other suitcase gently before stripping off his sweatshirt. Under it he was wearing a plain white t-shirt. "Do you mind holding this?" Felix made a notion towards his luggage, indicating that he couldn't hold the sweatshirt when he had his bags.

Ryan nodded, grabbing Felix's sweatshirt. "Come on, the parking is free for only an hour and I didn't bring any extra money with me." Felix nodded and they both headed off, the masked man asking the other about the plane ride over.

As they talked, there were no incidents with the security guards this time, which annoyed Ryan slightly because, really, it didn't make much sense. But, as they were just about to enter the parking lot, a security officer walked up to the two with the obvious intention of a search. "Fuck me," Ryan muttered, glowering under his mask. Felix just looked confused, his eyes darting between Ryan and the security guard approaching him.

The security guard was nice enough, only asking the two youtubers a few questions and skipping the search when the brunette told him that he had already been stopped and searched that morning. After a few minutes of converse between the guard and Ryan, they were free to go and even escorted to the car before leaving the airport.

Once they were safely onto the highway, Ryan finally let out the frustrated sigh he had been holding back. Felix had been falling asleep next to him in the passenger seat, but Ryan's sigh had stirred him slightly out of his doze. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing." Felix gave him a "are you sure?" look, which prompted Ryan to continue. "It's just that…I had been stopped by security so many times this morning it was ridiculous. I mean, can't a guy wearing a mask go pick up his friend in peace? Apparently not without being a suspected terrorist," he fell quiet for a moment, rethinking his last sentence. "Okay, so yeah terrorist are bad people and that was probably a bad example but still it…it pissed me off." He murmured the last words grumpily, realizing that Felix had fallen asleep once more.

Ryan suppressed a grin, Felix just looked so _peaceful_ when he was asleep, not to mention even cute. Deciding not to wake him up, the brunette let his friend rest as he drove the rest of the way home in silence.

* * *

**Typically if you're picking someone up at an airport, you don't have to go through security. But there are still guards everywhere that are obligated to search you if you seem suspicious. **

*** Quoted from one of Cry Talks videos.**

* * *

**Well, here ya go~ This was more of a filler chapter, but, hey, it's still part of the story. I don't want to deprive you guys of the enjoyment that all my watchers get on dA.  
**


	3. Chapter 2: Just Relaxin'

**Alright guys, so here's the new chapter~ Someone actually drew fanart of this chapter for me on deviantart. Her name is Nekothebro and I think you should check out her artwork cause it's amazing! *noodle-arms flail* XD  
**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

The ride back to the house was quiet and uneventful. Halfway between the airport and Ryan's house the brunette had even ended up lifting his mask to reveal his whole face (making sure that Felix was sleeping deeply before doing so). But when Felix was woken up upon arrival at the house, the mask was, once again, covering Ryan's face.

Felix didn't wake again until a few hours had passed since falling asleep on the already-made guest bed, and when he did awaken all he could smell was bacon, its scent wafting in from the kitchen located down the hallway. He moaned quietly, still tired, before getting up and slowly walking towards the kitchen. Upon entering the room he sat down and slumped in his chair, resting his head in his arms.

A soft chuckle could be heard coming from the other side of the room before Ryan's voice drifted towards his ears, "Good-morning Pewds."

"'Morning," Felix mumbled, sitting up. "Is that breakfast I smell?"

"Yes it is friend." Flipping the bacon once more, Ryan took out two plates and scooped some scrambled eggs onto them before sliding half of the bacon (about four strips each) onto each plate. Afterwards, he handed Felix his plate and dumped all of the pans into the sink before sitting next to Felix at the table.

All it took was one bite of bacon to put a smile on the blond's face. "This is pretty good," Felix complimented, taking another bite of the fried meat.

"Really?" Felix nodded and made a gesture, prompting Ryan to try his creation. The brunette lifted his mask to reveal his lips, thin but somehow managing to still look full. He took a bite of the bacon and was surprised to find that it actually tasted pretty decent, good even. "Who, I didn't expect it to come out so well. Last time I made bacon I burned it."

Felix grinned, shaking his head slightly. "How did you burn it?" He inquired, amusement present in his voice.

"I have no idea. I must have put too much alcohol* in the pan or something," he smiled sheepishly at the confession.

"Alcohol? You don't cook bacon with alcohol." Felix's tone of voice was laced with confusion, a questioning glint in his blue eyes.

"But it makes it taste so good and, I don't know…Uh...Like alcohol," Ryan explained indignantly.

Felix rolled his eyes, chuckling while doing so. "You didn't cook it in alcohol this time, did you?"

The other grinned mischievously, "Maybe…"

Felix couldn't help but laugh at the brunette's tone and the image of Ryan pouring a bottle of alcohol onto strips of bacon. At first the masked man only looked confused, but Felix's laugh was contagious and soon Ryan found himself laughing uncontrollably as well.

They stopped laughing a few minutes later and continued eating, smirks present on their faces.

* * *

A few hours later the two youtubers found themselves setting up Felix's recording equipment in the guest room. It wasn't too hard but it definitely was time consuming, eating up at least an hour of their day. But it was well worth it, for they ended up recording more Bloody Traplands together, along with some new co-ops they had been panning for a few months. PewDiePie* kept dying, making Cry* laugh uncontrollably and asking him if he was alright, all the while accidentally killing his own character as well. Once they were done their recording session (Cry once again asked to do the outro using his famous "Bro day, every day" line and PewDie "brofisting" his facecam) the footage was edited and rendered, uploaded to PewDie's Youtube channel shortly afterwards.

* * *

The rest of the day seemed to pass by in a blur to Ryan, both of them only performing minor activities that didn't hold any significance. It was only when Felix had received a text message from Marzia did something actually happened that was interesting.

"Who is it?" Ryan had inquired distractedly, his eyes trained on the TV in front of him.

"It's Marzia," Felix answered, reading the message with a slight smile on his face. "It seems like she's in America visiting Toby today."

Felix and Marzia had broken up only a few years ago on mutual terms, both agreeing that their relationship was not progressing in terms of "passion". Though it was undeniable that they had and still loved each other, the "amount" of love between them was not enough to uphold their relationship; however, despite the break up both of them stayed relatively close friends. So it was a shock, not only to the gaming community and to its fans but to Felix as well, when she started going out with Toby Turner* (officially recognized as Tobuscus in the gaming community). Toby and Felix were virtually nothing alike besides the fact that, when playing games—horror games especially—both of them got scared easily and both of them seemed to be very hyperactive while LPing. Felix was happy enough that she had found someone as nice as Toby, but he still felt a twinge of jealousy at the thought of his ex-girlfriend going out with another man.

Ryan knew how the Swedish male felt about Marzia's relationship with Toby, so he didn't press him on details so much, only commenting by saying, "I presume they're having a good time?"

Felix only nodded, a small regretful smile on his face as he looked at the pictures of Toby and Marzia attached to the message. Ryan looked at his friend sympathetically, contemplating what he could do to cheer him up. Standing up before he could rethink what he was doing, Ryan ruffled Felix's hair, murmuring, "Cheer up, Pewds," before brushing his lips against the blond's ear lightly.

Felix tore his gaze away from his phone in surprise; had the brunette just…Kiss him? He raised a hand and gently touched the spot on his ear where he had felt the brunette's gentle touch. No, he couldn't have…Could he? He turned around to ask Ryan about what had just happened, but when he turned around the masked youtuber was gone, presumably having left for the refuge of his room.

* * *

_You don't really cook bacon in alcohol. It's just something I thought Cry would try someday. _

_Felix will only be called PewDiePie if it's a dream or if it pertains to their character in a game, not to the actual person themselves. Same thing with Ryan. _

_Toby Turner (AKA Tobuscus or TobyGames) is a famous youtuber (around the age of 24-27) whom is known to do Let's Plays. He also writes comedic music and does Literal Trailers. _

_"Brushing his lips": AKA kissing gently/lightly/softly._

* * *

**I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter~**


	4. Chapter 3: Kagome Kagome (Circle You)

**And so here's chapter 3! I'm sorry I'm late uploading this, but my internet went out last night.**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**_~"Circle you, circle you."~*_**

**Demented voices sang the words merrily, striking fear into his heart. It was only a song, a song made for young children.* So why; why was he so afraid of it? Why did it send chills down his spine?**

**_~"Please don't try to run from us."~_**

**Footsteps echoed throughout the area along with the words, both sounds jarring his senses. Laughter filled his head, sounding wicked, demonic even. He could sense the figures surrounding him, toying with him.**

**_~"Circle you, circle you."~_**

**Did they want him dead, a body to add to their collection? Or did they want him alive so that they could torture him and turn him into a plaything that they could experiment on and "play games" with?**

**Metallic, heavy footsteps came closer, ever so closer, to his hiding place in the closet. Cry waited for the inevitable creak of the closet door opening, his hot ragged breaths muffled against his broken mask. But there was no creak of the door, and the singing seemed to fade away, but despite that still waited for them to discover him. His eyes darted back and forth, looking towards the direction of each sound he heard. He could feel his panic rising, the darkness starting to stifle his breathing, choking him. He tried to breathe, but the oxygen refused to enter his lungs. His hand went to his throat, clutching at his neck as if it would help him breathe. He started to hyperventilate—or was he already doing so?—his breaths coming in short, rapid bursts. He had to get out of there, that stifling place, even if it alerted his tormentors and just sent him deeper into their eerily child-like game.**

**_~"What games will we play, can you guess?"~_**

**He scratched at the door in his panic when he heard the words being whispered in his ear, fingernails scraping at the dark, ancient wood until they bled, the nails reduced to stubs. A sob escaped his lips, directed at, not a person, but the closet holding him captive. "L-Let me out! Please, I don't…I don't want to die. I'm too young to die, please…" He started to ramble, his sentences becoming more and more incoherent. But the doors wouldn't open and his one and only "safe haven" became his prison, driving him closer to insanity.**

**_~"Before the moon sets again…"~_**

**He took off his mask then, feeling as if its straps were tightening around his temples. The white, ceramic clay felt heavy in Cry's slim hands, weighed down by sad memories. A piece of the mask was missing, the piece the piece that had hidden his left eye gone and most likely never to be found again. His mask had been broken by none PewDie whilst trying to remove Cry's left eye, commenting on how beautiful a color it was and how much he wanted it for himself. Cry tried to struggle from the other's strong grip, but all he had managed to do was break his mask and indirectly helping the other plunge the knife into the bone under his eye, 'causing him unimaginable pain as the bone broke under the force of impact. He had still managed to get away, but at the price of his left eye, its sight forever compromised.**

**As he thought, still hyperventilating, still panicking, the closet doors gave way under his weight. He landed with a heavy thud onto his back, his eyes staring up at the one person he wanted to see the most…And the least, "Pewds…" No, it wasn't him, not anymore. One gaunt eye stared down at him, the other eye socket empty and dark. Stitches stretched from the corners of his mouth to the tips of his ears, the skin around the threads bloody and raw. The stitches seem to act as a permanent twisted smile and, with that twisted smile, he spoke. What came out of his mouth sounded like nonsense, everything except for one thing:**

**_~"You can play with us until then!"~_**

**Humanoid forms joined PewDiePie, all of them missing body parts or with ones not their own sewn onto them. They started walking in circles around him, singing, always singing the same line over and over again.**

**_~"Circle you, circle you!"~_**

**They repeated the line seven times, continuing to circle around him, but once they were finished singing their movements slowed, and then stopped completely. PewDie was leaning close to him now, the smell of decay present upon his pale skin, making Cry gag and retch from the stench. The brunette felt a cold hand lift his chin, Pewdie whispering in his ear, _"Who stands behind you right now?"*_**

**Cry tensed, sensing a figure standing behind him, but when he turned his head to see who it was, all he saw was a flash of gold before something was brought down on his head, creating a sharp pain that caused him to black out.**

* * *

Ryan's eyes flew open and he sat up suddenly, his skin clammy and pale and his breath coming in as short gasps. His whole body was trembling with fear and his head was killing him. He could feel his heart beating wildly against his ribcage, as if trying to escape his body. He squeezed his eyes shut; trying to forget the nightmare, but only saw Felix's demented face. He shook his head and opened his eyes, wishing he could get the image out of his head.

The LPer took a glance at his door, contemplating if he should do it or not. He sighed and stood up. He was sure if Felix was awake or not, but he took his mask and put it on anyways just in case. Then, very quietly, he walked towards his open door and into the hallway. The sounds of Felix's steady breathing told Ryan that his friend was sleeping deeply, but he felt that he should check on his friend. However, just as he put his hand onto the door, a sudden fear seized him, making him let go of the handle in surprise.

His whole body shaking, Ryan walked past the door quickly and hurried off towards the kitchen, deciding that waking Felix wouldn't help anyone.

The next morning, Felix woke up and headed off towards the living room, only to find Ryan passed out on the couch with a few bottles of beer scattered around the area. Felix pursed his lips and furrowed his brow, concern for his friend evident on his face. Though he knew Ryan drank, and even had the pleasure of being "invaded" by a drunken Cry during one of his own livestreams in the early morning hours. But what concerned him was the fact that he had started drinking alone, most likely in the middle of the night, was strange. And not only that, but Ryan's mask was lying limply between his fingers. Felix was tempted to wake his friend up, but something told him not too, so he let Ryan sleep.

* * *

_*This line and all the line's like it are a translation of the Vocaloid song "Kagome, Kagome" or "Circle You, Circle You". This translation along with the rest of them except for the last line was used with a different translation._

_*Kagome is a children's game from Japan. A group of friend's surround a child and sing a song (the child in the middle is "blind"-AKA not allowed to look) and the person must guess who is behind them (the person behind them being a "murderer" is a darker take on what the lyrics of the children's song actually mean)._

_*This line is from a translation using something closer to the actual children's game instead of the Vocaloid song._

* * *

So here's the chapter. I hope you enjoyed. (I wish we could use links, so that you guys can get the link to the English version of this song, but just search it and try to find the one you like best.)


	5. Chapter 4: Breakdowns

**Hey guys, I'm uploading this chapter a little earlier than usual because I'm going to be busy this afternoon! So I hope you enjoy~**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Felix was worried. He tried to ignore them, the moans and cries of pain and fear, but it was so hard to when such sounds were escaping the lips of someone close to him. It had been going on for about an hour and, though Felix told himself that Ryan was only entrapped in a drunken nightmare, he wished that his friend would wake up.

The sound of rushing water was loud, almost drowning out those saddening wails of agony and terror. Almost…But not quite, they were still echoing in his ears, causing the crushing sense of concern, guilt and sorrow to increase ten-fold. He had been washing the dishes by hand for the better part of an hour, refusing to use Ryan's dishwasher so that he could try to muffle the sounds that were emanating from the other room. But the sound of the faucet wasn't loud enough and he couldn't deny the fact that his friend was having a nightmare. And that he was doing nothing about it.

He dropped the plate into the sink abruptly, along with the sponge he had been using to wash the dishes with, as a crushing sense of guilt suddenly came over him. He positioned his two elbows onto the side of the metal sink, leaning on them with his head wrapped up in his arms as his hands clutched at his dirty-blond hair. He didn't want to wake up his friend, for fear that he would still be drunk and become angry at him, and yet at the same time he didn't want to leave his friend to suffer at the clutches of the nightmare that was plaguing him.

That's when he noticed it; in the midst of the battle of his mind, something caught his attention; a slight nudge in the back of his mind. When he had lowered his hands and lifted his head that's when he realized that an eerie silence had blanketed the world around him. What had happened to the moans that he become pitiful background noise? Where were the wails and cries for mercy that he had been hearing for the past hour?

A sudden fear seized him. Was his friend alright? Was he hurt? He dashed out of the kitchen and into the living room in a panic, heading towards the couch. His footsteps slowed as he got closer. A shaking hand grabbed a hold of the soft fabric of the blue sofa, and soft footsteps rounded the corner. As he looked at Ryan's sleeping figure, Felix's heart seemed to clench in concern and sadness at the sight before him.

Ryan was facing away from him, his skin pale and clammy. His trembling hand was clutching at his heaving chest, tears pooling and spilling over, flowing down his cheeks and lips until they landed onto a pale and skinny arm. Ryan's face was contorted, as if he were in immense pain. A small streak of blood ran down the brunette's chin** from the corner of his mouth, staining the skin crimson.

At first Felix was shocked, for he had not realized how bad the nightmare had actually been. But, as the minutes passed and Ryan's breathing became more rapid, the shock wore off and a new sense of urgency took its place. With trembling hands, Felix tried shaking Ryan awake, his voice soft at first and his hands gentle. But the longer he tried, the more apparent it wasn't working, and so his voice became louder and louder and his hands more forceful as his growing sense of panic rose.

It took a while, but he was soon awarded when Ryan woke up with a gasp. He seemed fearful and confused as he absentmindedly felt his stomach with a light touch before his fingers trailed until they came to his chest, where their exploration continued. Afterwards, he numbly wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth, then at the tears that were streaking down his face.

Felix didn't know what to say. And how could he; what words of comfort could he say to the brunette whom seemed to be in a daze of fear? Were there any words at all that would mean something, _anything_, in the state that his friend was in? He searched deep within himself for anything, anything at all, but he only found one small thought to voice. "Ryan*…?" The name sounded lame and weary as it left his lips, unable to compare to any of the myriad things he could've whispered instead.

But the one word had been enough, snapping Ryan out of his daze. He turned his head slightly towards the source of the cautious word, reddish-brown hair shifting slightly at the movement. Two droopy, wide blue eyes glanced up at the Swedish male through disheveled bangs. His gaze was fearful still, a ting of innocence in his wide eyes. "P-Pewds…? I…" His voice, soft and full of emotion, broke and his eyes filled to the brim with tears.

Felix foresaw the breakdown before Ryan knew what was happening, gentle arms wrapping around the brunette's fragile body in a comforting embrace. Sobs wracked the American's body, causing it to shudder and convulse. He clung to the soft fabric of the blond's striped shirt, nearly choking the other as the collar tugged at the back of Felix's neck. The blond paid it no attention, however, only focusing on consoling the male in front of him.

* * *

They didn't talk about Ryan's nightmare, nor did they speak of the breakdown that had preceded it, fearing that the thought of it would stir up bad memories. Another matter they avoided was the fact that Felix had seen the American's face. They both had known that he had seen it; the brunette's striking blue eyes and the pale scar that was etched into the cheek under his left eye. No, Felix wouldn't ask about Ryan's scar and he didn't say anything when Ryan wore the mask around him once more.

* * *

It was late when they headed off to bed that night. Felix had bid his goodnight, but Ryan was hesitant. The thought of sleeping alone loomed over him as if it were a death threat. With a trembling hand, he grabbed onto the bottom back of the other's shirt. Felix turned to look at the other and was surprised to find that the other had removed his mask. But instead of seeing Ryan's eyes all he saw was the shadows that hid them, along with his long bangs and his trembling lips. "_Please_, don't leave me alone." Ryan sounded pitiful in his own ears, but Felix just looked at him with concern.

He nodded slowly, gently removing his shirt from Ryan's grasp before taking the American's slender hand in his. Ryan blushed slightly at the contact as he let himself be led into his room as if he were a lost child.

Ryan's room was relatively clean, with a full-size bed situated off to the side wall. A computer desk stood against the back wall, a lonely computer monitor sitting upon the desk. Felix pulled the other towards the bed and told him to lie down. Ryan protested, saying he needed to get changed, but Felix wouldn't listen. After a few minutes the brunette gave in and lay down under the covers of the bed, the blond soon to follow after.

The blue-eyed American was facing the wall, turned away from the blond so that he wouldn't see the nervousness in his eyes. He wanted to sleep, and yet he didn't, afraid that the nightmares would haunt his dreams. Tentatively he whispered, "Felix*?"

The blond had been dozing off, but when he heard the other mutter his name he became alert, ready to console the other if he broke down again. "Yes?"

His lips trembled as they formed the words, "I don't want to sleep…"

Felix shushed him, wrapping his arms around the other. "Don't worry about it, Cry. Just close your eyes and sleep. I'll stay here with you."

Ryan grabbed onto the LPer's arm with one hand, smiling slightly at the contact. He was grateful that the other was by his side, realizing now that the nightmares must have been brought on by the inexplicable loneliness he had been feeling for the past few months. "…Thanks, Pewds." He closed his eyes and let himself be taken in by the blond's comforting presence, his breathing slowing until it became a steady rhythm, indicating he was asleep at last.

That night Felix's presence acted as a barrier surrounding Ryan, warding off the demons of the brunette's mind and, when Ryan woke up the next morning, he felt refreshed and genuinely happy.

* * *

_****It is not clear why there was blood in Cry's mouth. It's nothing serious, he just bit his tongue. **_

_***PewDiePie and Cry never actually refer to each other by their real names during Co-Ops, but for the sake of the fanfic they refer to each other as their real names only if they're nervous/stressed out/sad etc. until they become closer.**_

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**Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter~ The next one there will be some "sexy time" as a friend of mine calls it.;)  
**


	6. Chapter 5: The Start of a Relationship

**Sorry that this was late.:( In all truth, I was distracted by GassyMexican ending up being kicked out of the Creatures and writing a collab with someone else on the Creaturehub.**

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**Chapter 5**

Ryan didn't want to wake up. He was too comfortable, his body wrapped up in the warm embrace of the person currently closest to him. He sighed, breathing deeply in his contentment. No, he loved this fantasy too much; he refused to wake up from the only good dream he had in months. He turned towards the person, whose arms were hugging him so protectively, expecting to see closed eyes and a steady rise and fall of a chest, only to find open blue eyes staring back at him and a warm smile. "God morgon*, did you sleep well Cry?"

Ryan blushed as he realized that he wasn't dreaming at all, but was really in Felix's arms. Feeling exposed and embarrassed, not only because Felix was in his bed along with him but also because he was wearing no mask, he murmured, "Y-Yeah." A silence fell between them, but it wasn't unpleasant, for it felt…Comfortable, in a way.

The brunette was the one to break the silence, mumbling, "I don't want to get up…" Felix just chuckled thoughtfully, retracting his arms from around the other's body and sitting up slowly.

A soft smile graced the blond's lips as he watched the other sit up in the warm bed. "I'm going to make us some breakfast. What do you want?"

"Um…Nothing in particular; maybe some eggs and sausages." Running a hand through his hair, he said, "I'm going to go and take a shower so…" He glanced over at Felix, whom nodded in understanding.

The blond left the room a few minutes later, leaving the other alone. Sighing, Ryan lifted the covers off of himself and swung his legs over the side of the bed. That's when he noticed it; a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. Standing up, he could feel his knees almost buckle under him.

His hand grabbed at the wall and only when he felt a smooth surface under his palm did he trust himself enough to lean against it. He was afraid to move, weary of the fact that he might just collapse if he took even one step in front of him. What was wrong with him; why did he feel so strange? He shook his head, trying to clear it, and took one tentative step. And then another…Then another…Then another…

His walking was methodical and slow, and when he reached the bathroom, he opened the door tentatively before he stumbled into the room. Feeling his knees give out under him, his thin hands shot forward and he grabbed onto the white marble sink. With his knees already having hit the ground, he lifted himself up with some difficulty, his skinny arms quivering with the effort that it took to lean on them for support.

The reflection of a pale man stared at him from the other side of a mirror, pale-blue eyes trained on him with an uneasy light. The scar under his left eye stood out against white flesh, making it appear pink and raw in the low lighting of the room. He was surprised at his sickly appearance; besides the fact that he felt slightly lightheaded and that there seemed to be some weakness in his legs, he didn't really feel ill. He shook his head, once reddish-brown hair—now dulled until it was just a plain brown—shifting at the movement. He turned away from the mirror and towards the shower. He probably should be concerned, considering his appearance, but he wasn't and so he didn't let it bother him.

* * *

Felix was cooking them both some sausages when Ryan entered the kitchen thirty minutes later. It was the same scene, except the roles were switched. Ryan walked up to the Swede, wrapping his arms around the other's waist and looking over the foreigner's shoulder through his mask.

Felix blushed slightly but didn't try to shake him off, enjoying the warm feeling of the embrace. "Cry, what 're you doin'?" His tone was teasing, a wide grin present on his face.

Ryan, noticing the slight flush of the blond's cheeks, replied, "Don't mind me, friend. I'm just here for moral support."

The male chuckled slightly, unsure by what the American had meant, "Moral support?"

"Well yeah, your non-alcohol infused bacon is far inferior to mine and so I have come here to comfort you." He managed to keep a straight face, but only for a little bit. With the silence and the weight of what he just said too much to handle, he started laughing. It was a quiet giggle at first, nothing very loud or noticeable, but soon his chuckles became an uncontrollable laugh that caused him to let go of the other's waist and clutch at his own stomach, only stopping for a second to take a gasping breath before resuming his laughter.

Felix didn't understand what was so funny but, then again, who did when Ryan laughed at something no one found hilarious? Even Ryan himself didn't understand his own strange humor. But the male's laughter was, for lack of a better word, contagious and, therefore, caused Felix to laugh as well despite his confusion. Both of them laughed for a few minutes longer before they managed to stifle their giggles and chuckles. Once they were back in control, Felix told the American youtuber to sit down at the table. The masked gamer complied with the request, his footsteps light with giddiness.

He couldn't figure out why he was acting this way and why the lightheadedness before had seemed to have intensified and even made him feel as if he were tipsy. His emotions were bubbling on the surface, uncontrollable, despite his wish to keep them secret. Staring at the other with a thoughtful gaze, his smile became wider, his chin resting on the back of his hand, one elbow propped on the table.

Felix didn't understand why his friend was in such a bizarre mood, but he really couldn't complain and actually didn't mind it, for it seemed like his friend was finally happy. Setting the food-filled plates down on the table, the blond gamer sat on his chair and grinned at the brunette. "You know, it wasn't too bad; sleeping with you, considering that you are another guy, after all."

Ryan blushed slightly, his cheeks flushing a light pink color. For some reason, what Felix had said had reminded him of an incident that had occurred earlier that year. He didn't admit to it, and he had even recently forgotten all about it, but now that Felix had breached a similar subject Ryan couldn't help but think about the time when he had woken up in bed with Russ in his arms. It had been a late night, and both had been completely and thoroughly drunk. Ryan, having had a slight crush on his friend at the time, had a lapse of judgment in his impaired state of mind. He had been able to seduce his friend easily, something that wouldn't have been even remotely possible if they had been sober considering Russ was completely and utterly straight. But, since they were both wasted, he was able to do so, and when they woke up, with Russ only wearing boxers and Ryan with a tight pair of black pants, the brunette had denied remembering what had happened that night. Neither had spoken about it ever since but it still felt…Right, somehow. And that feeling he had, and his guilt free conscious, confirmed his suspicions; he really was bisexual.

Maybe that's why his late night fantasy had been so "pleasing". The thought of his and Felix's bodies entangled together in one bed, the other whispering sweet nothings into his ear while he clung onto the blond in passion and desire, was very much an attractive and desirable idea.

Felix didn't see Ryan's blush or his reminiscing gaze, for the other was wearing his mask, but he could tell that his friend was lost in thought. "Ryan?"

"I…Liked it too, friend." The brunette's voice was soft, barely audible in the warm morning air. The words hung in the oxygen, clinging to the heat around them for what seemed like hours but what was really only a few seconds.

He was afraid to look up, unsure of Felix's reaction. He was weary of the thought of the blond not accepting his statement, even figuring out his hidden sexuality. What would he say if he knew of Ryan's love for the Swedish male and of the dream he had about them?

It seemed like forever when the scraping of a wooden chair against tile could be heard in the room. Ryan didn't look up, fearing what he would see, but a gentle hand tickled his chin slightly as it lifted his head up, forcing him to look at a smiling Felix. "I'm glad. Now come on and let's play some more co-ops!"

Ryan nodded, his nervous smile disappearing along with the strange lightheadedness he had been feeling all morning. Maybe that had been it; maybe he had been feeling ill because he had been nervous about Felix. But now that the other seemed to accept Ryan's small whisper, his weariness had evaporated.

With a grin, the American stood up and followed the other into their respective rooms, more than just the excitement of doing a co-op on the brunette's mind.

* * *

Ryan had no idea what they were going to do about dinner, but Felix had the perfect plan. With some questions from the other, the blond brought him to a restaurant. It wasn't too fancy, but it wasn't something you'd bring your best friend to, but a lover or a crush. Ryan had asked questions about why Felix had brought him there (and why he hadn't allowed him to wear his mask), but the other only shushed him and told him not to worry.

It was a surprise when two plates of baked ziti were served without them ordering, and a glass of red wine was poured for each of them in crystal wine-glasses. Felix thanked their waiter, whom was an older man with a grey mustache, in Swedish, and the man replied in turn before leaving the two alone.

Felix had rented them a secluded area of the restaurant, where only the renters and the servers could enter without permission of the manager. It was nice and quiet, but neither felt the need to speak, for, really, there was no need too. They were comfortable the way it was. Soon they had finished their meal and polished off their wine, but they didn't leave, not quite yet, at least. "Pewds?"

The other was looking at him with a content expression on his face, "What is it, Cry?"

Ryan blushed at the thought of what he was about to say, what he was about to admit to. "I-I had a dream last night." Felix was on edge then, ready to comfort the other if it had been another nightmare, but the brunette noticed the other's concerned gaze so he quickly said, "No, no, it…It wasn't bad. I actually…Liked it." Felix raised an eyebrow, prompting the other to go on.

Ryan blushed harder now, clenching and unclenching his hands under the table in his nervousness. "It was about…Us…Being together…As a couple…" The words he had been longing set free were finally prompted from their cage, trembling and slow in the warm air.

And so he waited; he waited for his friend's response, the embarrassment of what he just said and it's weight starting to overwhelm him.

Felix didn't say anything, just staring at him with an unreadable expression. After sometime, though, his face broke into a wide grin. "I like that idea too."

Ryan's eyes widened and he looked up, not afraid anymore to see the other's expression. "Really?" Felix nodded, and a seductive glint entered Ryan's eyes. He had always wanted to do this, ever since he found out he had been in love with the Swede, so he had no regrets and qualms when he slipped out of his booth and into the other's lap. Then, without a word, he kissed Felix passionately.

Surprisingly, the Swede kissed back with just as much passion, and when they broke apart, they were breathless. But soon did they kiss again, and only when the server came back to give them their check did they break apart once more to leave.

That night they were all about the romance. They made love, despite the fact that they weren't even sure if they were together themselves and, if they were, that this was the first day as a couple. But the feeling they had together when their bodies entwined around each other was blissful and euphoric and, at least for Ryan, it really did feel right.

* * *

_*: means "Good Morning" in Swedish. Thank you for the person who corrected me!  
_


	7. Chapter 6: The Meet-Up

**Hey guys! New chapter! I warn you, this is when it starts to get angsty.  
**

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**Chapter 6**

It became official that they were together when Marzia and Toby congratulated the two in a text message a few days later. Of course, Ryan had texted Toby with the news and Felix to Marzia, so each congratulatory message was sent and received separately, but it didn't both them.

At least, it didn't both Ryan. But something had been nudging the back of Felix's mind ever since the first night the two had slept together as a "couple", if you could call them that considering they had no idea what they were themselves at the time. It was a very persistent nudge too, one that said, "Hey, I'm important. Don't ignore me!" But of course Felix ignored it, and managed to do so until the Bro Army meet up.

* * *

Neither Ryan nor Felix wanted to talk about the meet up.

Mostly because it would entail them being without the other's presence for a few days.

Another reason was because they were both worried about the fact that Ryan would end up alone for a few nights; which most likely meant the return of his night terrors.

The brunette told Felix not to worry, that he would be okay alone for a few days. He even pointed out that he had been dealing with the nightmares, by himself, for the better part of two months.

Felix didn't believe him, which Ryan understood considering that he had no confidence in his own bold words either, but the American still felt hurt by the other's skepticism. However he didn't mention his injured pride and so Felix went, unaware, to the Bro meet up.

* * *

At the meet up a PewDieCry fan asked if he and "Cry" were really together. He answered them as truthfully as he could without explicitly saying they were. "We are if you want us to be." Many PewDieCry fans screamed and swooned at his statement, but most "normal" Bros just rolled their eyes "knowing" fully well that "PewDiePie" obviously meant it in terms of fan-fictions and fan-art.

But he didn't mean it in the way the "normal" Bros had thought, for, in all truth, he had absolutely no idea by what he had meant by it himself.

That was when he realized it. That nudge, the little tug in the back of his mind, had been trying to tell him that _he was dating another man!_ Of course he knew Ryan was a man but, really, he hadn't actually thought of him as anyone other than "Ryan". Felix knew he wasn't gay—oh no he was too attracted to woman to be so—but now that he thought of Ryan as, not the youtuber he played multiplayer games with, nor as Cry, the little 'Sup Dude, but as an actual, breathing male, his mind was sent reeling at the thought.

Did he actually love Ryan? No, he couldn't, could he? After all, the other is a male and he…He was completely straight, wasn't he? Or was he gay? No, definitely not gay. Bisexual, then; maybe, it seemed more…Correct but how could he tell? He didn't even know if he truly loved Ryan, and he never felt attracted to another man before him, so what clues, what _proof_ did he have that he was bisexual and not heterosexual like he thought he was all his life?

Those thoughts had left such an impact on him that he decided that, when it came time for him and Ryan to see each other, he would tell the brunette that they needed to take their relationship slowly and with a grain of salt, or, maybe even to just "postpone" their couple status until he could sort out his own emotions and sexuality.

He had no idea, except that, when he got back to Ryan's house, he might just explain to the other his "situation" and maybe even ask Ryan about his sexuality as well.

* * *

The blond never got a chance to ask, for upon arrival it was quite obvious that something wasn't quite right. Maybe it was because of how dark it was inside the house, or because the mailbox was filled with unopened mail and newspapers; but nonetheless, he felt uneasy. "Ryan," he called out attentively, unlocking the door with the spare, silver-brass key that the other had given him.

There was no answering call, no replying voice, just silence and a dark, empty room. The sound of his footsteps seemed loud in the silent house. Felix called Ryan's name again, this time more urgently than before, but still no answer could be heard resounding around the small house.

It worried him, and the more steps he took, the wearier he got. The sounds of his footsteps were, to him, what a time-bomb was to a bomb squad; his footsteps counting down to some sort of grievous situation.

Tap…Tap…Tap…Ta-. His footsteps fell quiet as he came upon Ryan's door. It was closed and, when he tried turning the knob on the wooden door, found that it was locked. Balling one hand into a fist, he raised his hand hesitantly and knocked three times.

There was no answer at first, but just as he raised his fist in order to knock again, a voice could be heard from the other side of the door. "G-Go away," it was definitely Ryan's voice, but something was wrong. It was twisted and distorted with fear and maybe even mild hostility.

It made Felix worry more. This time knocking on the door a little lighter now, the blond let his soothing voice fill the space around him. "Cry, it's me, PewDiePie. Unlock the door."

Again, there was no answer, but the sounds of scuffling and hesitant footfalls could be heard coming from the other side of the door. After a few seconds, there was a _click!_ and the door knob started to turn, the door opening to reveal two bleary blue-eyes staring up at him. "Pewds…?"

He didn't speak, the words caught in his throat at the sight of the brunette. The American was pale, with his hair dull and flat, dark bags under his eyes from what must have been lack of sleep. His top lip was split in the middle, bloodying his teeth and skin around it. He smiled weakly with pale pink lips. But he couldn't keep up the smile, it drooping and becoming a frown while tears formed in his nearly-dead looking eyes. He opened the door slightly before his legs gave out and he had to cling to Felix's light-blue shirt for support.

With an exasperated tone of voice, Felix called out the other's name, catching him before he fell, "R-Ryan?!"

"Nightmares…"

The one word had been whispered and left to tremble in the air-conditioned room, causing chills to slither their way down Felix's spine. The shiver had not been caused by the word itself, but by the realization that had hit him hard.

_He had left Ryan to deal with the wrath of the nightmares alone_; to drown admits the murky depths of the fear—no, the _terror_—brought about by the traumatic dreams. He had abandoned his lover to be beaten, tortured, manipulated, scarred, _whatever_ the demons of his mind had subjugated him too, and all because he had chosen the Bros over him.

"H-Hey…Shh, it's going to be alright, everything is fine now. I'm here." He stroked Ryan's hair comfortingly, whispering soothing words to the other in an attempt to calm the American...Or was he trying to comfort himself? He could feel himself starting to panic, he never was very good at dealing with these sorts of situations, but he couldn't allow his lover to see his rising anxiety, so he kept his calm demeanor. "C'mon, let's go to the living room."

There was no resistance from the brunette when the blond pulled him closer to himself and started steering them down the narrow hallway and into the living room. Once there, he set the brunette down onto a couch before lowering himself until he was kneeling in front of the other. "Ryan, now can you tell me what…Ryan?"

The other didn't seem to be listening, his eyes glazed over as they seem to try and focus on something in the distance. One hand was prodding at his left wrist absentmindedly, unconsciously lifting up a black sleeve to reveal open wounds running across his wrists. "Torture…"

"Fuck! Ryan, what did you do?" Felix was surprised. He knew that Ryan wasn't a cutter, so to see untreated gashes on the frail man's wrists was disconcerting to say the least. "F-Fuck me…Ryan, stay here, I'm going to go look for some gauze." The brunette didn't give any indication that he had heard him, and even if he had it didn't look like he'd be able to move on his own anyways.

And so his search started. It didn't take too long, considering he had only a rough idea of where the first-aid kit would be, but he still felt like it took too long to find.

After coming back, he used both the gauze and antibiotic to wrap up the wounds tightly. "There, I'm done being Dr. Pewds, unless there are more…" Ryan's dull-blue eyes look at him for a second before they looked down at his button-down shirt. Still in a daze, the brunette reached up and clumsily tried to unbutton his shirt, his skinny hands fumbling with the white-plastic button.

Sighing, Felix undid the buttons for him and recoiled at the sight of Ryan's chest. Scars and wounds covered it, standing out against the pale skin. "Why…?" The American didn't answer, still peering up at him through his bangs.

Felix sighed again, muttering to himself, "I guess it's time to call one of your friends…" Glancing at the table, he noticed a piece of paper with a phone-number on it. Taking the risk of potentially calling a complete stranger, he picked up the paper, took his cell out of his pocket, and dialed.

* * *

Scott Jund arrived five minutes later and helped with bandaging Ryan's chest. Whilst doing so, Felix asked him if this sort of thing has ever happened before.

Scott said no.

Felix inquired about whether or not Ryan could've done this to himself.

He answered with an unhelpful "Maybe" and a worried glance at the pale man whom was still looking at something behind the two in front of him.

Thus, an uncomfortable silence ensued between both Felix and Scott.

* * *

It was later that evening, when Ryan was out of his strange daze, that he said he was tired. Despite not feeling exhausted himself, Felix went to bed with him anyways, whispering promises of never leaving him into the others ear while he slept.


	8. Chapter 7: Desolate Words

**Chapter 7**

"Felix, Felix I don't want to die."

How many times has those words been spoken to him? How many times have they been sobbed fearfully into his chest by his lover? How many times has the brunette woken up in terror and ended up rambling on incoherently, the only words recognizable being those words, whilst he comforted the other?

Too many times, he has heard them too many times; those desolate words. Too many times he has had to whisper soothing words into the other's ear in order to calm him down, to quiet the others sobs. Oh yes, he has heard them too many times, for they had become commonplace, which sickened him. Words like those should never be whispered lightly, and they should never become a part of one's daily routine.

But still they had become so; night after night they had made themselves known and night after night Felix comforted the other without knowing the reason why he needed to do so. Why his presence wasn't enough to banish the nightmares from the other's mind anymore was unclear to him. The only thing that he actually knew was that whatever had happened to Ryan in his absence must have had been absolutely traumatizing in order to cause this sort of emotional and psychological damage.

* * *

"Cry's" fans were getting worried. At first "Cry" had only missed a day or two of recording and had updated his feed on YouTube, attributing this to personal problems. But soon "Cry" didn't upload for a whole week and even cancelled his livestream, something unheard of by his fans, without a word or reason. Not even Russ, Red nor Jund were told of his reasons and were unable to give any answers when asked.

"PewDiePie" hadn't uploaded for a couple of days himself, casing the Bros to worry about him as well. But their concerns were easily soothed when he posted on Tumblr, Twitter and his YouTube feed that he was just busy hanging out with "Cry". But the same couldn't be said for the brunette's fans; they were messaging him about Cry constantly and, really, he couldn't blame them, for he was just as worried about the American gamer as his fans were.

And the worst part was that he felt utterly and completely helpless in the whole situation, for what could he do to comfort his lover? How could he assuage the fears the brunette was feeling; the fears that were unknown to the blond? Felix had no clue, but he tried anyways, for he couldn't just sit back and do nothing when Ryan was reliving hell over and over again.

* * *

Sometimes, when Felix wasn't present in the room, Ryan would find himself staring out the nearest window, his pale-blue eyes fixated on a faint outline of a burly figure in the distance. The sight of it always sent shivers down his spine, but he couldn't help but stare at it, trapped in his mind and dark memories. Only Felix was able to rouse Ryan out of his mental stupor, and, even so, it took him a few minutes to do so.

Anytime this happened, Felix would say that everything was going to be okay, which comforted Ryan. He didn't know how to express his gratitude, how to thank him for not asking about _that_ night*, despite the burning desire to do so that Ryan knew the Swedish male was surely feeling.

And so this routine continued, and though both wished the nightmares would go away, to leave Ryan in peace, they didn't break their wearisome "schedule" until a week later, when the demons of the brunette's mind were much more ruthless in their attempts to break him.

* * *

*: The night PewDie came back home and he found Cry with all those cuts.


	9. Chapter 8: A Broken Mind

**Warning, this chapter contains mild sexual content, mild violence and mild language. Also, it ****_may _****break your feels. That is all.**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

**Fear, it was all he could feel. He wanted to scream, to beg for mercy, but his hands were bound with ropes and gagged with a handkerchief. His chest felt tight and he could barely breathe. He wished he could cry out, but, being unable to, settled for trying to remove the ropes from his hands. They cut into his skin, blood seeping out of the wounds as the ropes rubbed against his wrist, whilst he desperately tried to break the ropes that bound him. He needed to break free, somehow, or else the guy whom tied him up would come back to most likely murder him, if not torture him first.**

** If only Felix was there, to save him from his captor, but he was gone, having picked his fans over Ryan. Still, Ryan couldn't help but long for the other to save him, despite the fact that he knew the Swede wasn't coming back.**

** He heard footsteps coming from outside the door and, for a moment, he thought it was Felix. But his hopes were dashed when the door opened to reveal a taller, burley male in what appeared to be his mid-20s early 30s. He strode into the room as if he belonged there, a cigarette burning in his mouth and a bag full of the looted items slung over his shoulder. Black, spiky hair swept over his face, and cold grey eyes stared at the victim below him.**

** At the sight of him, Ryan couldn't help but feel a surge anger come over him, despite the fact that fear was probably the "correct" emotional-response to the situation. This man had broken into his house, had bound and gagged him, and took anything he wanted. And, instead of fleeing the scene like any normal criminal would, he instead had the nerve to ****_stroll_**** into Ryan's room as if he fucking ****_owned _****the  
place?! To the brunette, it was the most insulting thing to him. There the man went, stealing his computer—his ****_livelihood—_****and then rubbing it in his face, effectively ****_kicking him while he was down._**** No, he won't tolerate it. Working faster now, he tried much more desperately to free his hands.**

** The man saw this but just laughed it off, thinking that the captured male was trying to escape in fear instead of anger. "Ha! Are you afraid, little insect? Go ahead, squirm, no one is here to save you." The man dropped the bag and kneeled down in front of the struggling brunette. "It's just you, me and this knife and, once I dispose of your body, no one will have ever known about this little incident." At the sight of Ryan's blue eyes widening the man laughed leeringly, straightening up until he was standing again. "Yes, I've heard about you. You're the man whom sits inside his house all day playing video games, aren't you? Well guess what, your little habit is going to get you killed."**

** The brunette was stunned. How did this man know so much about him? Besides his neighbors, his family and the local gossip, no one should know about his line of work. No, the man didn't know about Ryan's "job" as a Commentator. He only knew that the brunette played games on a daily basis.**

** The man kept talking arrogantly, unaware that Ryan was nearly free of his bonds. With one last, painful effort that caused his wounds to bleed more profusely than before, he broke free of his ropes and removed the gag from his mouth, attacking the intruder in front of him.**

** The fight was quick, although it seemed like it lasted a lot longer to those whom were in it. Ryan grabbed at the man's neck, not aiming to kill but at least knock out, but he was too big and strong and what Ryan didn't realize was that he was armed with more than a knife.**

** The man whipped out a small pistol and quickly fired without taking aim, missing the brunette by mere centimeters. The young male flinched, causing him to hesitate while the bigger one threw the gun down and took out a knife. He made quick slashing movements, traces of silver afterimages causing confusion. Ryan jumped back, but too late. Pain blossomed in his chest as the blade sliced open skin and scratching the muscle underneath. He almost cried out, and would have too if it weren't for the instinct to protect himself being much greater than the pain.**

** He landed clumsily, falling onto his back, causing him to be dazed. He sat up slowly and shook his head to clear it, but before he could fully recover then man was on top of him, trying to stab him in the heart. They both struggled with the knife, small gashes being created in his chest.**

** Ryan was nearly overpowered when he knocked away the knife and pushed the man off of him in his surprise. He looked towards the gun, quickly getting up and grabbing for it. The man saw what he was doing a little too late, for by the time he had reacted Ryan already had the gun in his hand and pointed straight at the others heart. "Now fuck off, or I ****_will_**** shoot. And leave the bag here."**

** The man put his hands up and laughed mockingly. "Aw, little Ryan's finally standing up for himself." At the shocked expression on Ryan's face and the visible trembling of the other's hands, the man gave another mocking laugh. "That's right, ****_Ryan_****. It's me, Josh; the guy who ****_you_**** mocked and the kid who gave you that scar."**

**_Josh…Why is he…How is he...?_**** Ryan could barely comprehend the situation. The gun was shaking so badly in his trembling hands that it fell to the ground, going off once it hit the floor. A bullet was shot into the burly man's foot, causing him to swear and stagger backwards.**

** Hissing, he gained his balance and turned around. He needed to get out of there, for surely someone had heard the gunshot. Looking back at the other, the man grinned cruelly. "I'll be back, and when I am you'll wish you had never been born."**

* * *

The continuous nightmares were starting to effect Ryan mentally. It wasn't obvious at first, for he acted as his usual self; always smiling and trying to forget despite the times where he would stare off into space in a dark haze, but Felix knew there was something wrong. It wasn't until Ryan had asked an odd question one day, though, that his suspicions were heightened.

* * *

They both were sitting in the living room, Ryan sitting in a loveseat near the edge of room while Felix spread himself out on the couch, a laptop situated on his  
legs. They had been sitting in silence for the better part of a half an hour, Ryan staring at the window and Felix checking his tumblr. So it was a surprise when Ryan spoke. "Pewds…" His voice was hesitant and soft. "Why…Are you still here?"

Felix looked away from his computer screen in confusion and surprise. Worry started to cloud his mind and eyes, for why would Ryan have any reason for him to ask such a question. "B-Because I love you and…And you _need _me. I'm not going to leave you alone only to suffer."

"Suffer? But Pewds I'm…" He stopped himself short and looked away. Not only did he seem nervous, but also as if he was unsure about what he was about to say, and odd thing to feel at such a time. "Please, don't worry about me P—Felix. I just…Want you to be happy, that's all."

"But I _am _happy, with _you_. Please Cry, don't do this. Please don't act as if I don't want to help you, as if you were some…" Felix's blue eyes flitted back and forth as he desperately tried to find the right word, "…As if you were some kind of chore. It's not like that Cry. I just want you to be happy, so that we can both be happy."

"Happy…?" Ryan's voice cracked, causing Felix to look at his face instead of adverting his gaze. Was the other crying? He couldn't be sure, for the other had his back turned away from him. "I'm sorry, I should never have asked. Just pretend that I didn't say anything."

Feix's eyes filled to the brim with sadness and guilt. Was it his fault that Ryan was acting like this? Could he have done anything to prevent causing Ryan more  
pain, anything at all? He didn't know but it didn't matter, for he had to do something to stop the tears that he knew Ryan was surely shedding.

He slowly walked up to Ryan and sat on the loveseat next to him, looping his arms gently around the other's waist in a comforting manner. He affectionately  
kissed the base of the other's neck before soothingly started caressing his cheek with the back of his hand. "Ryan, I love you and nothing will change that, no matter what you say or do."

Ryan turned around in his lover's arms. "Really?" A gentle hand stroked his cheek, causing him to blush at its touch.

"Of course," Felix smiled softly and leaned over, planting a gentle kiss on the other's soft, pink lips.

Ryan was surprised, his light-blue eyes wide with shock. He had not expected a kiss, but even so he closed his eyes slowly, his lashes brushing up against the Swede's in a butterfly kiss. He became more forceful, _needing_ and lustful, demanding entry. Felix gave in and their tongues wrested for dominance as Ryan climbed onto the other's lap, Felix's hand tangling itself in Rayn's thick brown hair. The bulge in their pants grew hard and both desired to go further, but Ryan pulled back then, blushing deeply with passion. A finger trailed the muscles of Felix's chest and a head was turned, avoiding the other's gaze. "Do you want to, uh…Continue this in my room, friend?"

Felix grinned, a seductive glint in his eyes. "Why do you even have to ask?"

They both grinned, and Ryan got up off of his lover's lap. Standing up, Felix took the other's hand and led him towards the room of choice, eager to go further in  
their sexual endeavor, but just as Felix grabbed ahold of the doorknob, his phone vibrated in his jean pocket. "Son of a barrel," he muttered under his breath, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a black cellphone. He glanced at the caller ID and recognized the number instantly. "Marzia…" Felix looked over at Ryan, whose eyes were round, a strange mixture of lust and tearful begging present in them. He sighed; he didn't want to leave Ryan begging for more like he was, but it was Marzia and it could be important… "I'm sorry Ryan, but I have to take this." He gently kissed Ryan's lips before opening his cell phone and answering the call. "Hey Marzia, it's me." There was a pause in the conversation on Felix's end, and Ryan watched, pouting slightly, as the blond walked away towards the kitchen.

Despite the fact that Marzia and Felix weren't together, Ryan couldn't help but feel slightly jealous of his lover's ex. He did, after all, just choose to talk to her over having sex with him.

Sulking, he entered his room, closed the door hard, and locked it. If Felix wanted to play that game then fine by him; he would play it and win.

* * *

The kiss had meant to make things better, but instead of helping, things only got worse afterwards. Ryan started ignoring any of Felix's advances, and not only that but he seemed to have started to withdraw from him a bit. He ignored Felix's attempts to help him, but most nights he couldn't help but sob into Felix's arms anyways and ramble after waking up from another nightmare. But most times than naught, Ryan found himself having a feeling that he was forgetting something, and anytime Felix asked about the nightmares, he would say he didn't remember in a sort of a dazed voice. At first, Felix thought that maybe it was a good thing that he didn't remember, but as time went on and Ryan still woke up every night, crying out in fear and clinging onto him, looking for comfort, he became increasingly worried for him.

But it wasn't until Felix went to the store with Ryan by his side that he realized the full extent of the problem.

* * *

They were at a local grocery store when Ryan had wandered off. Normally Felix wouldn't be worried, considering his lover was a grown man after all, but with everything that had happened recently and Ryan's worrisome behavior; he didn't want to take any chances. "Ryan?"

He passed many aisles before stopping by the public restroom. Could he have gone in there? Abandoning his shopping cart, he entered the bathroom and stopped short. The walls of the room were white, but the usually white tiles of the floor were stained crimson and when he looked down, he was sickened to find that he had stepped in a small pool of blood. But that wasn't initially what had caught his attention, for lying on the ground, his head in his arms and undoubtedly unconscious, was Ryan. Blood seemed to stain his arms and hair, and his glasses were barely on the tip of his nose, also slightly bloodstained.

"Fuck…Ryan." Felix kneeled down, his knees becoming soaked with blood. _Fuck, there's just so much of it staining this floor crimson…Is he…? _No, wait; there wasn't as much blood as he originally thought. He may have lost a lot of it, but the amount was still livable.

Gently and cautiously he lifted Ryan up until he was sitting upwards. His blue eyes fluttered open under his glasses, but they were glazed and confused. Worry clouded Felix's eyes and he gently lifted a hand to touch the gash on Ryan's forehead. He must have hit it on some sharp, hard edge, _Maybe the sink?_ He looked at it and confirmed his suspicions with the slight blood that was present on its edge. Looking back, he searched deep into his lover's eyes for some sort of indication that he was in pain. "Ryan…?"

Three words were all it took to shatter Felix's world that day, three words. _**"Who…Are you?"**_


	10. Chapter 9: Amnesia

**Sorry about murdering your feels last chapter. But, it's not my fault. The story writes itself. I'm just the median it flows through.**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

A light shined in his eyes, temporarily blinding him. He blinked rapidly and squinted, not even trying to follow the light that was moving back and forth before him. He was at one of the local hospitals with four people whom claimed to know him, despite the fact that he couldn't identify them at all, and the doctor currently examining him. Three out of four visitors were male, while the other was a female.

As the doctor stood up and walked over to the counter and wrote something down, the girl looked at him with a question in her eye. "So, how is he?" The red-haired female asked her question. She sounded so worried, but why should she be worried about a stranger? He didn't understand it.

"Ryan has amnesia, alright." He walked back over to him, sat in his chair and held up a finger. "Try to follow my finger once more, please."

Ryan tried to follow it, he really did, but he found himself unable to focus and even the slightest movement from his eyes caused his head to hurt.

"The question is," the doctor stopped waving his finger when he noticed Ryan's lack of eye movement. Standing up from his chair, he turned towards the other guests. "The question is whether or not he has a concussion."

The man sat back down on his doctor's chair, and slid to the counter, where he picked up a clipboard full of paper. Lifting up one of the sheets, he slid back towards his patient once more. "He shows symptoms of it, though he lacks some of them."

"A concussion? But he hadn't…It didn't look like…" It was the blond male this time. He seemed to be wrestling with himself over something. That something  
Ryan did not know, but whatever it was must have been disturbing, for some sort of agony was present in his blue eyes.

"Doesn't matter how hard you think he hit his head. The fall had caused his amnesia, which means the force behind it would be great enough to hurt him in such a  
way. He needs to be checked out, but don't worry, it won't take too long." The doctor, whom had been facing the four strangers, turned back to look at Ryan. "Ryan, do you know where you are?"

He glanced at the different walls of the room. "I'm in a hospital, I think."

"Good. Do you know why you are here?" The doctor checked the bandages wrapped around the brunette's forehead, making sure that they weren't loose.

Ryan reached up and touched his bandages hesitantly, a look of uncertainty in his blue eyes. "I-I'm not sure. I think…I think I was injured, but I'm not sure  
where; at my house, maybe?" He felt as if his comprehension of the situation was sluggish. Everyone's voices were delayed for him, and so all he saw was mouths moving without sound before disembodied voices echoed in his ears. It was very much disorienting.

The doctor sighed, standing up. "That's what I thought you'd say." He turned back towards the other four. "I need to keep him overnight for observation."

"Overnight? Oh boy…" This time a brunette with short, straight hair and glasses spoke in a weary tone. Though he didn't seem too worried, he looked tired and worn out. Was he really worrying them, these _strangers_, to the point of exhaustion?

"Is there any way one of us could stay overnight with him?" It was the brunette with short curly hair speaking this time. He seemed to be one of the weariest  
ones there; although, the one with blond hair seemed sad, _broken_ even.

"Why, of course there is. You'd have to sleep in the room on the armchair or on the floor, but it should suffice. I hope you don't mind." He opened the door to the room. "I'm going to go prep the MRI scanner. Please wait here."

The man closed the door behind him, and the room filled with voices.

"Who's staying with him tonight?" It was the girl's voice, or at least that's what he assumed. Wasn't it her voice?

"I'll stay," it was the voice with a heavy accent. It belonged to the blond, right?

"Are you sure, Pewds? I could stay instead. You look like you need the rest." It was one of the two brunettes. Was it the one with short straight hair? And what  
kind of name was Pewds?

"No, no, its fine Russ, but thanks for…Volunteering. I'd sleep better tonight if I was with him anyways." It sounded like the guy with a strange accent again (a foreigner?). What was his name; Pewds?

"What, too worried about your lover?" It was another boy again. Was it the one with short hair? And did he mean by "lover"? Heat rose into his cheeks as he blushed hard. What was happening? They were speaking too fast for him to comprehend.

"—not funny, Jund." Shit, he missed most of what the girl had said.

The guy, whom assumed was named Jund, grumbled, "I wasn't trying to be funny, Red."

Ryan was becoming impatient and very confused. With his comprehension being so slow, and the voices barely synced with the movements of their lips, it was  
impossible to follow the conversation without becoming increasingly disoriented.

"Who,hold up a sec'. What are you guys talking about? I'm his lover? And why do I need someone to stay with me?" Ryan watched as the pain intensified in the blonde's already broken blue eyes. He felt bad, but he couldn't help it if he had amnesia. So why; why was his heart breaking at the sight of the other becoming so sorrowful?

"It's me, Cry, Pewdie. I'm your…Your lover. We play video games together and we're both Youtubers. You believe me, right?" He sounded as if he was desperate, on the verge of tears, even.

"I'm sorry but…I don't remember you. I'm sure—I'm sure that you were a very important person in my life but I just…can't." At the sight of the blonde's tears he couldn't help but feel bad…No, he felt worse than "bad". He felt as if someone had ripped his heart out and stomped on it, effectively crushing it. He hadn't known that he could be capable of feeling such sorrow, such _pain_, and all because he was hurting a stranger. "I'm sorry, really. So please, _please_, don't cry, not—not over me, please."

The blond gave a weak smile. "It's alright; you don't have to remember just yet. I'll be fine; I don't want you to beat yourself up over something you can't control."

Ryan could tell that he was lying. Everything was _not_ "alright" and everything wouldn't _be_ "alright" until he regained his forgotten memories. The blonde's voice was still broken, silent tears were still _streaming_ down his face and he was grimacing, despite his kind, brave words. But Ryan didn't voice his thought and observations, for they would only cause more pain.

"So…I still want to know why I need someone to stay with me overnight." He looked pointedly at the other three strangers.

They all glanced at each other before the red haired girl—Red was her name?—stepped forward. "Cry…You've been suffering from nightmares for-for a while now."

Ryan tensed up at the word "nightmares". An imaged flashed before his eyes, but his mind couldn't retain it. His body started to tremble and he clutched at his  
hair. A sudden fear overcame him, a fear of what he did not know, but it clawed at his head and a high-pitched sound screamed in his ears. The words, "I'm going to kill you" echoed in the background of the noise, though it was easy to distinguish anyways. He wanted it to stop. "No, no, no, no, no, no!"

"Cry?" Pewdie reached for Ryan's shoulder but the brunette hastily slid away in fear. "Cry, what's wrong?"

Pewds reached for Ryan again, but admits his fear he took it as a threatening action and lashed out. But just as he did so, the doctor entered the room with a  
sedative in hand. He made a notion for Pewdie to keep distracting him, but Ryan didn't notice, for he was too busy dealing with fear. While he was distracted, the doctor snuck up on the panicking brunette and injected the sedative into his arm. The medicine was fast acting, and so he was lying against Pewds' chest, a frown on his face as he slept.

Felix looked at the man in confusion. "Doctor…?"

The doctor was frowning. "It's just as I feared. His amnesia may have been caused by more than just his injury."

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**Felix is described as "Pewds" because this chapter is mainly in Cry's POV and since he doesn't remember Pewdie's real name, he associated with the first name given to Pewdie that he heard.**


	11. Chapter 10: Contemplation

**Sorry for this being late. Thanks for all the support guys. I promise the next few chapters are going to be really long! **

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**Chapter 10**

Ryan hated the beeping sound of the heart monitor. It was unsettling and was making him on edge. He couldn't help but wonder when the beeping would end, along with the rhythmic beating of his own heart, the beeping counting down the seconds leading up to the day he took his last breath. _No, no you shouldn't think like that, _he mentally berated himself. He wasn't close to dying, and yet he couldn't help but think of it when the beating of his own heart was echoing in his ears.

For these reasons he had resisted the doctor's orders. He hadn't wanted to go through the torment of being forced to listen to it; the measured beeping representing the own rhythm of his heart. But the doctor had insisted and so who was he to deny the wishes of a doctor? He still wished the excessive beeping would stop, though.

He didn't remember much about the day's events. What he did remember was foggy. He had gotten examined, right? Yes, he definitely had. And afterwards he had started talking to the four people whom claimed to know him. And then…There was nothing. Just a blank spot that ended with him waking up in a bed, with a worried Pewds next to him and holding his hand.

Glancing over, he saw that the blond foreigner was still there; fast asleep with his head resting against the bed. Ryan couldn't help but wonder why he was still there. It was well past visiting hours, wasn't it?

Ah, now he remembered. The blond, Pewds, had volunteered to stay with him overnight. He wished he understood why. Despite being told by his so called "friends" that he was his lover, there was no way to be certain they weren't lying. And even if he was, that was before, when he possessed his memory. He was different now, wasn't he?

No, no that wasn't the reason why Pewds was here. Well, not fully at least. There was something else, something he didn't remember the answer to? Yes, there must be, for he had a vague sense of what it was. But when he tried to grasp ahold of it the memory slipped through his mental grip.

Although, when he thought about it harder something told him that maybe he really didn't _want_ to remember; that he forgot in order to protect himself. From what, though? That was a question he _did_ wish he had an answer to.

Slowly, almost lazily, he took another look at the sleeping blond. He wished he knew Pewds and the others' real names. Maybe if he knew them, then it would trigger a memory of some sort? But did he want to remember? That was the question, wasn't it?

The warmth of another and the sound of whimpering brought him out of his thoughts. Glancing back slowly at the blond once more, he saw the foreigner's hand in his and tears leaking out of closed eyes. For a brief instance he wondered if he was the cause of the other's restless sleep, but the thought was pushed to the back of his mind as the instinct to comfort the other took over his every thought. He turned onto his side and squeezed the other's hand, wiping away the salty tears from Pewdie's eyes. Ryan could feel the temptation of sleep start to pull him under, his eyes growing heavy with exhaustion, but before the heavy blanket of sleep could entrap his entire being, he murmured, "It's okay Pewds, I'm here…"

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That night, Ryan dreamed of shadows and tall buildings that loomed over him, causing him to feel trapped as he ran endlessly, trying to hide from the darkness that threatened to consume him.


	12. Chapter 11: Ignorance and Remembrance

**Chapter 11**

Toby and Marzia were coming up to visit in a few days. They had told Felix about it a week before Ryan's accident.

And yet he kept their visiting plans a secret.

So there he was; looking out the window of Ryan's bedroom, too afraid to leave his amnesic lover alone and yet still very much wishing for solitude. He bit his lip, contemplating on what he should do. What would he do; what would he say? How would he explain everything to Toby and Marzia? Fuck, how would he even begin to explain his reasons to the others about letting them come here during this predicament? He never thought his trip to America would lead him to dating Ryan, let alone his lover losing his memories and then having to explain it to his ex and her boyfriend.

Sighing, he ran his fingers through his blond hair. Decisions, decisions, decisions. He just wished he didn't have to go through all of this. He wished this situation never happened. He'd do _anything _to stop all this pain that was attacking his heart and causing _him _to see nightmares now!

Anything? Did he really just think "anything"? Would he even forget about Ryan and his relationship with him, just like the brunette has done, to escape the things that were torturing him? _No, of course I wouldn't. I __**love **__Ryan, more than I've ever loved anyone else. And yet I...I..._ Fuck was he _really _unsure about this? Was he _really _thinking about if he would ever want to forget his lover? To _erase any memory of him, pre-relationship or not, _just so that he wouldn't be in such emotional _turmoil?_ God when did he become so _selfish_?!

"FUCK IT ALL!" He punched the glass of the window, causing it to crack underneath his fist. If he hadn't held back, he most likely would have broken it. Feeling no pain, he let his hand drop and turned towards his lover. Did his shout wake him up?

Fortunately, the male was still asleep in his bed, clutching his pillow as he murmured a name upon his breath and into the plush fabric of his pillow. "_...Pewds..."_

Curious, Felix quietly walked to the bed and sat down on the opposite side of his lover. He brushed the hair from the American's face and couldn't help but smile softly when he saw the other's peaceful face. He wondered what Ryan was dreaming about. Was he dreaming about him?

Shaking his head, he stood up, happy that Ryan was sleeping peacefully for once. Taking out his phone, he dialed a number and held the phone up to his ear. "Red?" He murmured.

"_Pewdie? What are you calling so late?"_ Her voice was thick with a yawn, and Felix couldn't help but wonder if he had woken her up. _Of course I have! What normal person calls someone at 12 midnight?_

"Sorry, I know it's late but I haven't been out of the house for a while and I was hoping you wouldn't mind watching R-Cry while I go out for a walk." He really hoped she would say yes, he needed some time alone to sort himself out and he was weary of leaving the brunette alone. What if he had another nightmare and no one was there to comfort him? And despite being released from the hospital with no concussion, the force he hit his head with should've given him one. So he would be prone to becoming easily disoriented; and if he woke up, confused with no one to tell him everything was alright and where he was...He hated thinking about it. Of course Felix was probably overreacting but he couldn't help it, with so many bad things happening to his lover recently.

"Um...Alright. I'll be there soon." She still seemed confused, but before Felix could ask if it was really okay for her to come, she hung up.

Normally Red wouldn't make the trip to Cry's* house. They lived in separate states and the trip would normally take a few hours. But after the incident with Cry and Pewdie had called with the news, Russ, Battlestar, and Red all rented two rooms in a nearby hotel. They wanted to stay near Cry and Pewdie, just in case something happened again and so that they could help with the current situation whenever they could. So when Pewdie called in the middle of the night, asking if she could watch Cry for him while he took a break, she didn't hesitate to say yes. She wanted to help in any way she could.

And so there she was, driving quickly on the empty highway in the pitch-blackness, only the beam of her headlights illuminating the road in head of her.

It only took a few minutes before she arrived at the house. Slamming the car door shut, she crossed her arms in order to ward off the chilly night air, and headed towards the front door. Her mind was still foggy with the remnants of her sleep, so it took her a second to realize the door was unlocked. She turned the doorknob and opened the door.

The living room was dark and completely devoid of any other living presence. Red quietly crossed the room after closing the door. Passing the kitchen, she entered the short hallway that branched out into two bedrooms and a bathroom.

She opened the door straight in head of her. The first thing she noticed was the full-size bed and it's only occupant. Cry was fast-asleep, curled up against his pillow and a smile on his face. He looked quite...Cute, in a way.

The next thing she noticed was Pewdie, whom was staring out a cracked window on the right of the room. He didn't look over when she entered the room, seemingly distracted. Could he be deep in thought...? She quietly walked over to him, not wanting to wake up Cry, and tapped him on the shoulder. He jumped slightly at the touch, whirling around to meet her inquisitive and caring gaze. "You're here already?" Pewdie asked, prompting a nod from the red-haired girl. "...Well, thanks for coming Red. I didn't want to leave Cry alone."

She smiled softly, stealing a quick glance at the brunette peacefully sleeping behind them. She understood why Pewdie was so worried; Cry was so fragile in this state. It felt like anything could break him. "Anything to help out a friend." Red turned around and strode over to where Cry was asleep, sitting down on the edge of his soft bed. "So you want me to make sure he stays asleep?"

Pewdie nodded. "Yeah, make sure he sleeps peacefully. And if he does wake up, and he's afraid or confused...Just comfort him and maybe hum this, if you can remember it." The blond started humming softly, the melody slow, calming, even haunting, in a way. She could feel herself starting to drift off into a dream-like trance.

"I didn't know you were into those kinds of songs Pewds," She chuckled slightly, but it was soft and sounded as if she were going to fall asleep.

"It's a Swedish lullaby. My mom used to sing it to me when I was a little kid. The first time I remember hearing it when I was four years old." He walked over to the edge of the bed and kneeled down in front of where Cry was. He noticed the brunette was starting to shift and become uneasy, his brow furrowing. Looking up at Red, Pewdie said, "Watch and listen." He opened his mouth and a song escaped his lips.

Pewdie was not the best singer, Red admitted to herself. But even though she could tell he wasn't exactly on key, she couldn't deny the song itself was beautiful. It had a soothing quality, and yet there was something about it that was eerie. She didn't even know exactly what he was singing, but despite that the Swedish lyrics still had her captivated. And when the lullaby ended, she swore she could still hear the melody dancing lazily in her ears. "Pewdie that was...How do I even begin to describe that...?"

Pewdie looked down at Cry's face, taking in his once-again peaceful expression and trying to suppress a sheepish grin. "Uh...Thanks but you should hear a professional singer..." Pewdie gently caressed Cry's warm cheek with the back of his hand, a soft smile upon his lips. "I'm just happy it calms him down."

Red couldn't help but smile as well. "It's a good thing. Even though it's small, it helps."

Pewdie stood up suddenly, "Will you be able to remember what I just sang? Even as just the tune?"

She nodded, watching as the Swede started to walk out of the room. He paused, standing in the doorway, his left hand on the doorframe. "Thanks again Red. I don't know what I would do without you."

Pewdie was still out on his walk when Cry woke up that night. Red hadn't noticed his awakening right away, but when he opened his eyes just a bit and murmured a very groggy "'Sup?", her eyes widened a bit and she turned towards the brunette. She was very much prepared to sing him the song, like Pewdie had instructed.

"Cry?" He smiled tiredly at the sound of his friend's voice and sat up slowly. She gently pushed him back down onto the bed, him too tired to resist. "No, don't get up."

"What are you doing here Red? Where's Felix?" He glanced around, confusion dancing lightly in his crystal eyes.

"Well I'm here because…Wait, did you just call Pewdie 'Felix'?" Her green eyes widened. Cry hasn't called Pewdie by his name ever since he lost his memory.

Cry frowned, the confusion in his eyes intensifying. "Yeah, I did. What's wrong with that?"

"N-Nothings wrong, it's just that you've been calling him Pewdie since…" She tailed off, a sudden realization coming to her. "You remember," She whispered breathlessly.

"Of course I remember, why wouldn't—" Cry was cut off when Red wrapped her arms around him, tears filling her eyes. She wasn't much of a crier, but as she held Cry in her arms the sobs wouldn't stop and she could feel herself trembling. Still very confused, Cry wrapped his own arms around his friend and gave her a squeeze, trying to stop her sobbing, however they were not from sadness, but from joy and relief. It was not a feeling that needed comforting.

As she cried she could feel the happiness blossoming in her chest, making her heart beat faster and her sobs to start to calm. Soon she pulled away, a soft, watery smile upon her plump lips. Red turns away and reaches for Cry's cell phone. The brunette gives her a confused look and all she can do is gasp happily in explanation, "Calling Pewds."

Felix was never one to cry, not in public at least. However, as he walked down the dark, dimly lit streets, his tears were overflowing and he couldn't stop them from cascading down his flushed cheeks. His love's memory might be forever lost in the depths of his mind, locked away forever; it was such an unbearable thought.

The small nagging voice in the back of his mind wouldn't go away though, still whispering those torturous words. _Everything will be fine_, he told himself, but the voice wouldn't let him believe himself, still whispering, _He'll never remember you._

"F-Fuck…" Felix felt himself starting to sway, so he leaned up against a telephone pole, his knees threatening to buckle under him. He couldn't take it much longer; he was at his own breaking point.

"Hey _Peeeeewwddsss_!" The blond looked towards where the sound of his name was being called from. Jund, stumbling and leaning up against a stony-faced figure whom he took to be Snake, and a smaller, lanky male with curly hair whom he vaguely remember as being Battlestar, were walking towards him. Seeing the state that Jund was in, he could only assume that the drunken voice beforehand had belonged to him. "Whaaatcha doin' Peeewds?"

Felix raised an eyebrow, his eyes and smile weary. "I needed to take a walk; get out of that house…" He trailed off, examining them with observant eyes. Jund's face was slightly flushed and he was clearly having a hard time standing upright. Snake, whose eyes had been cold and hard but had softened at the sight of the blonde, held Jund in his arms and trying to make sure he didn't fall. Battlestar was grinning stupidly, something was off; was he tipsy—wasn't he too young to drink? "Why are two of you drunk?"

"Wha're you taaalking abou'?" Jund's voice was so slurred that the Swede could barely understand him. Snake just shook his head and tightened his grip on the brunette when he felt him start to slip from his arms.

"We went out drinking. I was the designated driver so I only had one beer," Snake explained.

"But isn't Battlestar too young to drink?" Felix inquired.

"I'm fine!" Battlestar exclaimed, a slight slur in his voice.

Felix raised an eyebrow skeptically. "_Right_…So if you're sober Snake then why are you guys walking Snake? Don't you have a car or something?"

Jund, whom had been draped over Snake's arms, suddenly grabbed onto the older male's black shirt and hauled himself up, getting closer to the bandana'd brunette. "Snakey-wakey locked the keys in the car! Silly Snake."

Snake looked down and glared at the other. "Call me that again and I will kill you."

Jund giggled, "I'like to see'ya try!"

Snake rolled his eyes and went back to ignoring the short-haired brunette. "Anyways, Scott accidentally locked the keys in the car—"

"Did not!" Jund interrupted.

Snake ignored him and kept on explaining as if he hadn't been interrupted, "—So I decided that we'd walk home and that he would get the car tomorrow." Snake finished. "But enough about us; why are you out "taking a walk" in the middle of the night? Cry starting to get to you?"

Felix sighed and slid down onto the ground. "I just…I can't take it much longer. If he doesn't break first I will."

Snake frowned and sighed, still clutching Jund in his arms. "Look, I'm not the sappy type; I'm not going to tell you that everything is going to be okay. But just sitting her whining about it is getting you nowhere. You have to make him remember you, and if he doesn't well there's nothing you can do. You'll just have to move on; but whining about it won't help you."

Felix's head snapped up at the advice. "_Whining? _You think I'm _whining?! _What if you and Jund went through so many hard times only for him to _forget you_ after all you have done for him? How would _you _deal with it? Huh?"

Snake looked down at the brunette, who had sobered up somewhat though still had no idea what was going on. "Our relationship is more complicated than yours and Cry's. But either way I wouldn't sit here and whine about it. I'd do something at least."

Pewdie was about to tell him that he's been doing the best he can, but his phone rang, effectively cutting him off. Sighing, he answered it. "Hello?"

"_I-It's Cry," _gasped the voice, it sounded like it was from Red.

"Red? What's wrong? What's happened to Cry now?!" Felix could feel the panic welling up inside him, how could things get _any worse?!_

"_H-He remembers Pewdie, he remembers…" _Her voice broke out in a sob. _"He remembers everything…I've been trying to call you to tell you but y-you haven't been answering. I'm so sorry…"_

Sorry? Why was she saying sorry for; surely this was amazing news. "Don't be sorry, this is great news!"

"_B-But that's just it…I'm so sorry Felix."_ Felix…She called him Felix. He could feel the panic start to wash over him again.

"Red, Red tell me what's wrong. What's happening?" Felix and Snake exchanged worried glances.

"_H-He doesn't remember the nightmares…A-And F—"_ She was cut off by Felix's relieved sigh.

"No, that's good Red! Why should he have to remember them?"

"_B-But that's not all…I'm so, so sorry Felix but he…He doesn't remember that he's in love with you….T-That you were dating. I'm so sorry…"_ She sobbed again and he could hear her hang up, but it didn't matter to him. His world was shattered again and right after he had grasped onto hope too. This was too cruel.

"W-Why…?" Felix murmured, a sob breaking free of his lips. He stood up numbly, his body trembling.

"Felix?" Snake's voice was filled with concern, but the Swede just shrugged it off, not answering. The only voice ringing in his ears was Red as she murmured "I'm sorry" over and over again.


	13. Chapter 12: Past Fears and Present Love

**Hello guys! Sorry that it took so long to upload this chapter. I truthfully already had uploaded it on my deviantart account! Well, I hope you enjoy. After this is the epilogue and a few omakes (extra) chapters for you guys.c:**

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Chapter 12

Ryan didn't quite understand what was going on, but whatever was going on was starting to upset him. One moment Red had been asking him questions about Felix and "bad dreams", and the next moment she was crying and apologizing to Felix over the phone. Then when the brunette asked what was wrong, she just told him not to worry about it and stood up, walking out of the room and leaving him alone. It had been another 20 minutes before she had come back in, Felix, Russ, Snake, Battlestar and a stumbling Jund behind her.

"What's wrong?" He had asked, hesitant.

Snake, Red, Russ, Felix and Battlestar all exchanged glances, while Jund just focused on staying upright by leaning onto Snake, his hands clutching at his black shirt and a twisted frown on his face. "Nothing's wrong." Felix said, though his voice was hoarse and his eyes said otherwise.

Why was he lying to him? Didn't Felix know that he could tell him anything? "What's wrong, you can tell me Felix."

Ryan noticed how the blonde flinched whenever his name was mentioned._ I thought he didn't mind being called by his name?_ "There's nothing wrong…" He trailed off when Snake put a hand on Felix's shoulder. The Swede looked down, his hair covering his eyes, before murmuring, "You have to remember Cry."

Huh? "Remember what Felix? What do you mean?" Something was off, what was his friend talking about?

"Please I can't go on like this much longer. You have to remember what we were to each other! Don't you remember anything?" Felix still didn't brush the hair from his eyes, though Ryan could hear the brokenness in his friend's voice.

"I-I'm sorry but I don't know what you're talking about." Ryan exclaimed, his eyes widening.

Felix looked up sharply, his blue eyes wide and ablaze. Ryan flinched and backed away as far as he could until his small frame was pushed up against the back wall, his body trembling slightly. Something in the other's eyes scared the brunette; the almost feral quality of them reminded him of something. A murky memory lingered in the back of his mind, but he couldn't recall it clearly. The blonde grabbed a hold of the American's arms, his fingers digging deep into Ryan's skin. He whimpered from the pain, whining, "I-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"

Felix let go and stumbled backwards then, a look of shock and fear lighting up his features. He shook his head, words hastily stumbling out of his mouth, "No, don't be sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you. I didn't mean to. B-But you have to remember me! Isn't there something, anything? Remember the nights I comforted you after a nightmare?"

Nightmare…? An image flashed in his mind of everyone standing around him, all of them like patchwork dolls. Their eyes glass, limbs stitched back onto their bodies hastily, sharp whispered words that stabbed at his ears and mind. Searing pain burned throughout his whole body and he whimpered again, covering his ears and closing his eyes, wishing it would stop. _"Your fault," "Cruel," "I hate you," "Forgetful," "Why?" _they all whispered. He whimpered again, "I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Tears welled up in his eyes as the image and reality mixed together. He couldn't tell what was real and what was fake, who was an enemy and who was a friend, what would hurt him and what would not. He felt the helplessness start to crush him. His breathing became shallow and quick and he started to feel-light headed. "I-I'm sorry, please…!"

Panic was rising up in him and he felt the urge to run, to get away to the safety of solitude. "Ryan?" A voice that was not whispered and filled with much concern rang in his ears, but it was distant and he was too confused and scared to register it. He felt arms wrap around him, but to him they felt threatening and too tight. He struggled to get away, pushing away whomever who was holding him and stumbling out of the bed and falling hard onto the floor. "Cry!" There was a shout, but in his confusion the word was garbled, strange in his ears. He pushed himself up onto his arms, propping himself up against his elbow for a few seconds. He felt someone tap his shoulder but it only made him panic more as he jumped to his feet and ran, pushing past everyone who was at the door.

* * *

Running, running, running; endlessly he ran in the cool night air. He was too confused and afraid to stop; only wanting to run away from where his mind was telling him was dangerous. His surroundings were ever-changing, from suburbs to the harshness of the city and it's loud, deafening noises and blinding lights, to the daunting darkness of the forest until he finally found himself surrounded by the calmness of a familiar park.

Ryan slowed down, his breaths ragged and feeling extremely lightheaded. Once his footsteps became nothing but silent and still, he collapsed to his knees. He hadn't known how long he had been running, or how he even got there, but he was exhausted and dizzy. He couldn't focus; any thoughts passing through his mind wouldn't stay and though the park was soothing his panic wouldn't diminish. He could feel tears prickling at the edges of his crystal-blue eyes, and a frightened mixture of a sob and a whimper rose up into his throat.

He was quivering. Ryan wrapped his arms around himself in attempt to stop his shaking, to comfort himself somehow. But he couldn't stop and his frightened sobs escaped his lips. Accusing words and harsh whispers filled his ears, he whimpered again and murmured, "I-I'm sorry," over and over again.

He felt comforting, gentle arms wrap around him, but he didn't try to resist them this time. A soft whisper blanketed his ears, the voice comforting and gentle. Ryan's sobs and tense, shaking body started to relax as the words washed over him. _"Bysan Lull,"_

The brunette was no longer sobbing now, feeling his panic ebbing away and being replaced with a sense of calm. He snuggled closer to the person holding him, closing his eyes as warm, clear memories of a similar situations passed before his eyes. A small smile graced his sculpted lips.

When the song ended, Ryan felt calm and sleepy. He pulled away slightly and looked up to see that his comforter was indeed Felix, like he thought. "I love you," he murmured, planting a kiss on the Swede's lips.

He felt the other kiss back before they pulled apart. Ryan's eyes turned towards the ground as he whispered, "I'm sorry I forgot. But the nightmares got so bad…And the memories I thought I had put behind me…" He suppressed a shiver. "I _didn't_ want to forget you, just those things and I—"

Felix put a finger to the brunette's lips, shushing him softly. "Hey, hey it's not your fault, so don't blame yourself."

The American nodded, looking away. "Do you…Want to know happen on that night?"

The blue-eyed foreigner hesitated, not sure if he should make the smaller male recall the images of what happened the days he had left him alone. He nodded slightly, watching as Ryan sighed. "Well, I guess you could say I…I dreamed. It was a mixture of a nightmare and a memory." Ryan reached up with one hand, lightly and absentmindedly touching his scar. "When I was a teenager, I wasn't the happiest kid, though no one really knew it." He bit his lip. "My eyes have a strange effect on people; back then they were much lighter too."

The brunette paused, looking down. "Either people thought they were gorgeous, or thought they were really creepy and got scared because of them." He gave a weak, half-hearted chuckle. "Well there was this kid and his name was Jonathan Josh Jacobs. He was a quiet teenager, and a well-behaved one at that. But he was one of those people who were…I guess you could say "creeped out" by my eyes. It wasn't as if he was mean to me though, we'd always say "hi" when passing by each other in the hallway. But whenever we had to sit next to each other or we were paired together for projects, he'd get really fidgety and nervous. I hear he has a mental disorder, and had it since he was 8, so I guess I understand why my eyes scared him more than anyone else." He chuckled again.

Felix scrunched his eyebrows together, "Your eyes, really? That's a stupid reason to be scared. You're probably the nicest guy I know."

Ryan gave a small smile, "Thanks but people judge by appearance. If there's one thing that scares them about the person, they don't like them. I'm no exception." His smile dropped from his face now, and his eyes grew dark. "Well, I guess poor little John got sick of being scared by me one day. It's ironic; my fan base thinks that I'm virtually blameless, a perfect being sent down to earth, even. But a lot of the times I tend to bring out the worst in people." Ryan brought up his head and looked straight into Felix's eyes. "Well, one day Josh just lost it. He wasn't at school, he wasn't at the bus stop, and he wasn't even at his job." He paused, trying to calm his shaky breath. "I did see him later that day though."

Ryan was visibly trembling now. Felix reached out to touch the other's shoulder in concern and comfort, but the brunette just flinched away. "H-He…" The American swallowed, trying to calm himself. "It was dark…I-I couldn't see him clearly. I-I asked him why he was out so late…I c-couldn't have known what he was about to do, right?"

Felix scooted closer to him, gently grasping the other's small hand in his. The brunette flinched and stiffened, but he soon felt himself relax under his lover's warm, gentle touch. "Well…He was looking for a way to get rid of the growing discomfort my eyes caused him…H-He almost succeeded too. J-Josh had a switchblade…God I wish I had known he had that." His breathing was loud, panicked and shaky. "I-I remember the feeling of its cold blade pressed against my cheek as he pinned me to brick wall of that building. A-And the sharp pain as it sliced open the skin and the feeling of the warm b-blood as it gushed out of my cheek…" He was shaking more violently now, so Felix squeezed Ryan's small hand to comfort him.

The American looked at the Swede and flashed him a weak smile, afterwards letting it fade back into a frown. "I-I don't exactly know what had been planning too d-do to me that day, but I can only imagine that h-he wanted to remove my eyes…O-Or at least blind me." His blue eyes fluttered closed as he let himself become immersed in his memories. "I-I struggled, trying to get away. If I hadn't he'd probably would h-have succeeded in whatever h-he had planned. I kn-kneaded him in the stomach, he let go of the blade. The struggling had caused it t-to go deeper into my cheek. I-I pulled it out and I-I ran to the nearest b-building that looked o-occupied. I-I don't remember much after that b-besides hearing an ambulance and b-blacking out." Ryan opened his eyes again, they were wide, dilated. "I-I don't remember talking to t-the police, but they c-caught him the next day and sent him to jail before getting a-a mental evaluation and put into an asylum. H-He would have gone on trial i-if I had pressed charges b-but…A-At the time I guess I had been blaming myself for what had happened…After all, it _was_ m-my eyes that 'caused him to do that, right?" He chuckled, but it was tense, held back.

"Wait a second, so someone tried to remove your eyes _just _because they were the least bit uncomfortable with them?" Felix's voice was full of questions, but only one had surfaced to his lips.

"Y-Yeah…" Ryan looked down, his pupils returning to normal size. "W-Well, on the day you came back, I-I had been really tired. I hadn't slept, I was on edge and paranoid, and I could swear I kept seeing figures at the edge of my vision, but whenever I turned to where I saw them, there were none. Well that day they announced the release of Josh from the asylum. M-Memories had rushed back to me, I remember feeling terrified. Fear mixed with exhaustion has never been a good combination for me. I kept thinking I saw him. At some point he was there, in front of me, with a switchblade. H-He kept walking towards me slowly, I kept backing up…I-I backed up into something. A lamp, I think. I fell over, and so did the lamp. The light bulb inside it broke, I tried to pick up some of the pieces but in my panic I accidentally cut myself. I-I threw the pieces of glass, despite knowing it would do virtually nothing to stop someone…B-But when I picked up the last one, he wasn't there anymore…" He took another shuddering breath. "I tried to forget the incident after, thinking I had just been seeing things, and focused on cleaning up the house. However, w-while I was doing that I saw him again. I ran and locked myself up into my room. A-At some point I fell asleep. W-Without you there, I-I had the worst nightmare I-I had ever had. I-I was being tortured…" He grimaced and his body shook. "I-I woke up to you knocking on the door, the scars on my body, though I didn't question why they were there. I-I was too terrified to care, b-but now that I think about it I-I probably did that to myself while I was sleeping, p-probably with my nails too…"

Ryan could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. He turned and clung onto Felix, sobs starting to choke him. "I-I was so scared…I-I t-tried t-to forget, b-but I d-didn't want to forget you. I-I…"

Felix shushed him, rubbing the other's back and holding him close. "It's okay, I'm here now. It's over. I will never leave your side like that again, I promise." Ryan kept sobbing into Felix's chest as the blonde held him protectively. "I'll protect you; no one will come and hurt you without going through me. Ssssh, the nightmares are gone now…"

Ryan's sobs started to calm after a while and his trembling ceased. With wide eyes and a blush, the brunette looked up at the Swede and closed his eyes before bridging the gap between his plump lips and his lover's. Tenderly the blonde kissed back, his blue eyes also closing. The kiss was not lustful, but passionate and a promise;

A promise to never leave each other to suffer again.

* * *

***Understand that I do not truly imagine Cry to look like this, but his appearance for this fic was solely a plot device. I believe that he's an average looking guy, nothing special. Brown, unrully straight-hair, slightly shaggy, with maybe some stubble on his chin and jaw, a roundish-but-skinny face, full lips and blue eyes (nothing special about them) is how I truly imagine what he looks like.**


	14. Epilogue: Promises in Love

**Well guys, here's the epilogue! I'll be uploading the omakes ASAP.**

* * *

**Epilogue:**

[Rec. 9/21/13]

[12 PM]

[Battery: 50%]

-fizzle- -beep-

_"Is this thing on?"_

-fizzle- -beep-

[Focusing]

_"Ah, there it is."_

_"You got it working Pewds? Finally; took you long enough." –chuckle-_

_"Shut up Cry." –laughter-_

_"That wasn't very nice Pewds." –chuckle-_

The blonde just shook his head, laughing. "C-C'mon, we gotta start the stream."

The brunette backed away, still chuckling. "Alright, I'm going."

When the American exited the room, Felix shook his head and sat down onto the couch near the camera. He took a breath, then looked up at the camera and flashed a dazzling smile, chuckling slightly. "How's it going Bros? My name is Pewdie—"

"Cry!" the brunette impersonated Felix's voice loudly. He entered the room, a big, goofy smile resonating under the mask.

"Cry, you ruined the intro," Felix whined.

"No I didn't it, it's perfect," Cry mused, a hint of seduction in his voice.

Felix just blushed and laughed nervously, "Anyways, as you can tell I'm still here with Cry." He turned towards the brunette, who was hanging back, away from the video recorder "C'mon Cry, they won't laugh. The Bros are nice! Well…Some of you Bros are."

Cry shuffled his feet nervously. "But I…" He bit his lip and looked down.

"C'mon, you said you would Cry. You promised me! Besides, we're streaming this; no backing out now!" Felix couldn't suppress his grin as he watched Ryan walk slowly and hesitantly towards the camera. "Don't be shy."

The brunette was nervous, being the first time to ever expose himself in front of people he didn't know; and about a million of them or more at that. He readjusted the mask on his face and took a deep breath before walking in front of the digital recorder. He flashed a shy, nervous smile and waved slowly. "'S-Sup?"

Felix chuckled and waited until Ryan sat down next to him before continuing. "As you can see, I'm still with Cry, but don't worry too much about it, all my stuff has been sent here." He gave another nervous laugh. "Anyways, Cry and I have an announcement to make. Cry?"

"N-Now?!" he inquired anxiously. When Felix nodded, the brunette sighed and reached up behind his head to undo the knot that was keeping his mask in-place. His fingers fumbled nervously but soon he was able to untie the knot.

The mask fell from his face and into his lap to reveal Ryan blushing madly, a nervous light in his blue eyes. He parted his plump lips, a shaky breath escaping him, and said, "W-Well guys, this is me; just an ordinary person." The American flashed the camera a smile. "Sorry if I don't live up to your expectations."

The Swede leaned in and whispered in the brunette's ear, "You don't live up to my expectations; you surpassed them." He, then, kissed the other's cheek lightly, chuckling when Ryan blushed furiously.

"F-Felix!" he exclaimed, exasperated.

"What? They were going to find out anyways," the blond male exclaimed.

"B-But not like that!" Felix just rolled his eyes and turned back towards the camera.

"Well Bros, you guessed it. All of you PewdieCry erm…Shippers? Yeah, all of you PewdieCry shippers had it right; we're together." The blonde wrapped his arms around the other, "It was a few months ago, when I first went to Florida for the Bro Meet-up."

"Yep, and now we're happily living together in my house." Ryan added, his tone of voice content.

Just then, a familiar red-headed female walked up the stairs, a smile on her face. But when she saw the camera, her smile became awkward and shaky. Ryan chuckled, "Say hi to the camera, Cassy!"

She blushed slightly when he used her real name, it was weird hearing it coming from someone other than her family. But she guessed it was payback for her calling him Ryan on the usual Late Night with Cry And Russ [Featuring Pewdie]. "Hello." She turned back from the camera to focus on Ryan and Felix. "C'mon, everyone is waiting downstairs."

Then she left the room, leaving Ryan and Felix alone in front of the whole stream. "Well, I guess it's time for us to go Bros."

Ryan smiled, "But first," he lifted up a fist, "Brofist?"

Felix lifted up his own fist, "Well guys, let's do a group Brofist." He smiled, and him and Ryan both Brofisted the camera, saying a high-pitched, "Bye!" in the process.

Then Ryan stood up and turned off the camera before turning back to his lover. Grinning, he pushed Felix back down before he could get up and sat down on his lover's lap. "I think they took it well," he murmured. His plump lips made quick contact with Felix's before pulling back again.

"I think so too," Felix mused, placing another wet kiss on his lover's lips. The other kissed back, their lips locked and moving in sync. Ryan's lips parted slightly, allowing entry that had not yet been demanded. Felix took it anyways, his tongue entering the other's mouth. They wrestled for dominance, twisting, turning, dancing. Soon Felix won; his tongue finally able to roam freely in the other's mouth. He explored the other's mouth until they started their wrestle for dominance once more. Their kiss was wet, only parting for a moment to breathe before locking lips again.

Ryan could feel the other's hands go up his shirt, their warm, soft touch caressing his scarred chest. Felix's kiss became more demanding and he pushed the other down onto the soft cushions of the couch. His lips left the other's mouth, trailing down to the base of his neck. "Hnnnggg, Felix…"

Felix's kisses became less demanding now. The blonde's lips left the other's neck. He sat up, listening.

Ryan's face was still flushed, and he was panting slightly. "Felix, why…?"

"They'll hear. We can always continue this later," he purred seductively.

"You ass," Ryan murmured through his chuckling. "You led me on."

The blond shook his head, but had a grin on his face. "Naahh, not really," he thought for a second. "Okay maybe a little. But come on now, everyone's downstairs."

The brunette sighed and sat up, "Alright, alright."

* * *

When they got downstairs they saw that literally everyone who could make it was there. Snake and Jund were making out on the couch, whether passionately, angrily, or both they did not know, though it seemed like it could've been both, Battlestar and Yunnie sat hand-in-hand with a plate of brownies split between them. Raven sat on Simple's lap, Marzia was in a similar position sitting on Toby's lap, once in a while giving him a small peck on the cheek. Kirby and Dafu were laughing and joking about something.

Red and Russ weren't in there, but a few minutes later entered the room with a huge cake. On it in blue letters it said, "Happy PewdieCry day Pewdie and Cry". A soft smile on their faces, Pewdie and Cry kissed again.

They pulled away and the blond murmured, "Happy PewdieCry day. I love you."

"Happy Anniversary. I love you too." Then they locked lips again, their hearts intertwining into one as they felt closer than they ever had before.


End file.
